Lifestyle
Self-forgiveness is more than self-comfort − a philosopher explains
Self-forgiveness requires confronting negative emotions, acknowledging wrongdoing, and is essential for moral growth and healthier relationships.
Last Updated on March 7, 2026 by Daily News Staff
Mordechai Gordon, Quinnipiac University
As the Jewish High Holidays approach, which begin with Rosh Hashanah and continue with Yom Kippur, the theme of forgiveness keeps coming to my mind.
The 10 days from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur are referred to in the Jewish tradition as the days of repentance, or the days of awe. During this period, Jews who observe the holidays implore God to respond to their sins with mercy, while also requesting forgiveness from anyone those individuals may have wronged in the past year.
Most conversations about forgiveness focus on the meaning and value of forgiving others. Douglas Stewart, a philosopher of education who has researched forgiveness extensively, writes that to forgive implies a willingness to let go of our negative emotions or hard feelings and to adopt in their place a more generous and compassionate attitude toward our wrongdoers.
Other philosophers have pointed out that the benefits of forgiveness include overcoming resentment, restoring relationships and setting a wrong to rest in the past – without vengeance. As such, to forgive should be considered morally valuable and admirable.
But what about self-forgiveness? Is it morally valuable, or just something we do to make ourselves feel better? And what is self-forgiveness, anyway?
As a philosopher of education, some of my own research has wrestled with these questions.
Defining self-forgiveness
Self-forgiveness means managing to work through painful feelings such as guilt, shame and deep disappointment with ourselves. It entails transforming negative attitudes, such as contempt, anger and shame, into more positive emotions such as respect and humility.
It is important to recognize, however, that a wrongdoer cannot simply reject shame: They must confront it. Moral philosophers such as Byron Williston assert that people who have deeply wronged others, such as betraying a loved one, need to experience shame and take responsibility for their actions – such as asking for forgiveness. Otherwise, an attempt at self-forgiveness is not likely to be meaningful.
Finally, we need to keep in mind that self-forgiveness does not imply someone has extinguished all the negative feelings directed at themselves or is done with self-reproach. This would amount to an impossible goal.
Rather, as philosopher Robin Dillon pointed out, self-forgiveness suggests that someone is no longer being consumed or overwhelmed by those negative feelings. In short, it is possible to forgive ourselves and still view ourselves with a demanding and critical eye.
Moral development
Getting there, though, is not easy. Self-forgiveness entails working through a rigorous process of coming to terms with wrongdoing.
According to ethicist Margaret Holmgren, that process includes at least four steps: acknowledging that what we did was wrong; coming to terms with why it was wrong; allowing ourselves to experience grief and self-resentment at having injured another person; and, finally, making a genuine effort to correct the attitudes that led to the harmful act and making amends to the victim.
In other words, confronting negative emotions, attitudes and patterns is essential prior to attempting to restore relationships with others. Only once we are able to relax the preoccupation with guilt and shame, and to genuinely forgive ourselves, can we meaningfully contribute to relationships as liberated and equal partners – especially in ongoing ones, such as with family and friends.
Of course, there are cases in which the offense is so vast, such as genocide, that no individual can make full restitution or provide an adequate apology for the wrong.
There are other times when an apology is impossible. Perhaps victims are dead; perhaps a direct apology would retraumatize them or do more harm than good.
In those cases, I would argue, an offender can still attempt to work toward self-forgiveness – acknowledging not only the victim’s intrinsic worth but their own, regardless of their ability to make amends. This in itself is moral growth: appreciating that neither is a mere object that can be manipulated or abused.
The take-home point, I would argue, is that going through the process of self-forgiveness is morally beneficial. It can not only liberate people who tend to reproach themselves incessantly, but it can enhance their ability to relate ethically toward others – to acknowledge wrongdoing, while simultaneously affirming their own value.
Most people have experienced at least one situation in which they inflicted pain on someone else and recognized that their words or actions caused harm. In such situations, we also often feel ashamed of ourselves and attempt to apologize or make amends.
Yet I hope that during this High Holiday season we keep in mind that self-forgiveness should also be considered essential. If moral development means a process in which our self-awareness and character mature, then acknowledging wrongdoing and experiencing shame, followed by self-forgiveness, are indispensable for that process.
Mordechai Gordon, Professor of Education, Quinnipiac University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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Community
Mariska Hargitay and Purina Team Up to Help Domestic Violence Survivors Keep Their Pets Safe
Mariska Hargitay and Purina are raising awareness about a heartbreaking reality: Many domestic violence survivors delay escaping abuse because they cannot bring their pets. Discover how the Purple Leash Project is helping families and animals find safety together.
Purple Leash Project takes center stage at U.S. Women’s National Team match, raising awareness about a heartbreaking choice facing abuse survivors and their beloved pets.
By STM Daily News | Lifestyle & Pets | October 12, 2026
WASHINGTON, D.C. — For many people, pets are more than companions. They’re family, providing comfort, unconditional love, and emotional support during life’s most difficult moments. But for survivors of domestic violence, the bond with a beloved pet can create an unexpected obstacle when trying to escape an abusive environment.
Actress and longtime domestic violence advocate Mariska Hargitay joined Purina and the U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team on October 10, 2026, to shine a spotlight on this often-overlooked issue.
During the team’s match against Spain at Audi Field in Washington, D.C., Hargitay served as Purina’s Honorary Captain, helping promote the company’s Purple Leash Project, an initiative designed to help domestic violence survivors find safety without leaving their pets behind.
The appearance was part of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, observed every October.
When Escaping Abuse Means Leaving a Pet Behind
For someone experiencing domestic violence, leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous and emotionally overwhelming. The situation becomes even more complicated when pets are involved.
According to statistics cited by Purina:
- Only 20% of domestic violence shelters allow pets.
- 48% of survivors delay leaving an abusive situation because they cannot take their pets with them.
These figures illustrate a significant barrier to safety.
For survivors whose pets provide emotional stability and companionship, the possibility of abandoning an animal can be devastating. Some may also fear that an abusive partner will harm a pet left behind.
The Purple Leash Project seeks to eliminate that difficult choice by helping domestic violence shelters become more accommodating to animals.
What Is the Purple Leash Project?
The Purple Leash Project is a partnership between Purina and RedRover, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping animals and strengthening the human-animal bond.
Through grants and financial assistance, the initiative supports domestic violence shelters and social service organizations by funding:
- Renovations that make shelters pet-friendly.
- On-site and off-site housing for survivors’ pets.
- Essential pet supplies and accommodations.
- Necessary veterinary services for animals entering shelter programs.
According to Purina, the initiative has already provided nearly 70 grants totaling more than $2.2 million across over 30 states.
The company has also established a goal of helping provide one million safe nights for survivors and their pets by the end of 2030.
The ultimate objective is simple: Nobody should have to choose between personal safety and protecting a beloved animal.
Mariska Hargitay Brings the Message to the Soccer Field
Hargitay, widely recognized for portraying Olivia Benson on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, has spent years advocating for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.
Her participation in the U.S. Women’s National Team event brought additional visibility to the Purple Leash Project.
During the pre-match ceremonies, Hargitay participated in the ceremonial coin toss alongside Cassidy, a 75-pound Golden Retriever therapy dog, and Cassidy’s handler, Patrice “Pat” Eller.
Cassidy and Eller are part of a Pet Partners therapy team that helps provide comfort to children who may be required to testify in court.
Their presence illustrated the important role animals can play in helping people cope with traumatic experiences.
“Seeing the Purple Leash Project take the field helped turn the stadium into a powerful show of support for survivors and the pets they love,” Hargitay said in a statement released by Purina.
She also emphasized the importance of reducing the stigma surrounding domestic violence and creating more safe spaces where survivors and their pets can recover together.
A Special Soccer Scarf Supporting Survivors and Pets
To encourage fans to participate in the initiative, Purina and U.S. Soccer introduced a limited-edition Courageous & Comfy Soccer Scarf.
The officially licensed scarf is available through the Purple Leash Project’s online store.
According to Purina, 100% of every scarf purchase is donated to RedRover, supporting the effort to help survivors and their pets remain together.
Fans interested in supporting the initiative can visit:
Purple Leash Project Scarf Store
Additional information about the initiative is available at:
Bringing Pets Into the Soccer Experience
Beyond raising awareness for domestic violence survivors, Purina used the event to highlight the relationship between sports fans and their pets.
At Audi Field, the company introduced the Purina Club, a temporary pet-friendly seating area where fans could attend the match with their dogs.
The initiative reflects Purina’s growing involvement in soccer, including collaborations with U.S. Soccer and pet-centered activities associated with the 2026 FIFA World Cup.
While these efforts celebrate the companionship pets bring to everyday life, the Purple Leash Project addresses a more serious reality: For some individuals, the ability to remain with their animals can influence whether they can safely leave an abusive situation.
Why the Human-Animal Bond Matters
Anyone who has experienced the companionship of a dog, cat, or another beloved pet understands how deeply animals can become part of a family.
Pets offer familiarity, routine, comfort, and emotional connection. During times of uncertainty, those relationships can become especially meaningful.
For survivors of domestic violence, maintaining that bond can provide an important source of reassurance while rebuilding their lives.
The Purple Leash Project recognizes that protecting survivors and protecting their animals are often interconnected needs.
“At Purina, we believe survivor safety shouldn’t require sacrifice,” said Nina Leigh Krueger, CEO of Purina, in the company’s announcement.
That philosophy is at the heart of the initiative’s mission to expand access to safe, pet-friendly shelter accommodations.
How You Can Help
Supporting survivors and their pets doesn’t necessarily require a major financial commitment.
Individuals can learn more about the Purple Leash Project, support participating organizations, share information about pet-friendly domestic violence shelters, or contribute to nonprofit programs that help families and animals in crisis.
Organizations such as RedRover also provide resources designed to strengthen the human-animal bond and assist animals during emergencies.
Learn more at RedRover.org.
For anyone currently experiencing domestic violence in the United States, confidential assistance is available through the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TheHotline.org. If immediate danger exists, call 911.
A Safer Future for Survivors and Their Pets
The partnership between Purina, Mariska Hargitay, RedRover, and U.S. Soccer demonstrates how public awareness campaigns can help bring attention to problems that often remain unseen.
For survivors of domestic violence, the path to safety should not mean having to abandon a loyal companion.
And for the pets who depend on their families, remaining together can mean everything.
By helping shelters accommodate animals, the Purple Leash Project is working toward a future where survivors and their pets can escape dangerous situations, find stability, and begin healing together.
More Lifestyle & Pet Stories From STM Daily News
At STM Daily News, we believe stories about pets are also stories about people, families, communities, and the powerful connections that make life meaningful.
Explore more stories about animal welfare, pet care, family life, and community initiatives in our Lifestyle section at STM Daily News.
Stay informed. Stay connected. Discover stories that matter.
Sources and Additional Resources
- Purina — Purple Leash Project
- RedRover — Animal Welfare and Crisis Support
- National Domestic Violence Hotline
- U.S. Soccer
Source: Nestlé Purina PetCare press release, October 11, 2026. Statistics and grant figures attributed to Purina.
(Feature Impact) Menopause is a phase of life every woman knows will come eventually yet few are truly prepared for. Beyond stereotypical symptoms like hot flashes and mood swings, the other realities of menopause can be mysterious, taking women by surprise when their experiences differ from expectations.
Rather than being a single event, menopause involves a gradual transition that happens as estrogen production changes – meaning symptoms can appear and evolve unpredictably. According to a survey commissioned by the National Menopause Foundation, 63% of U.S. women ages 35-54 experienced symptoms they believed may be related to perimenopause or menopause, yet nearly half (49%) said they weren’t prepared for the changes beforehand.
When women and their loved ones understand what they’re facing, they can approach this time with patience and compassion, which can make a real difference to the 71% of women who wished the people in their lives understood more about perimenopause or menopause. Consider these five facts to help fill in the menopause knowledge gap.
Perimenopause Can Start Years Before Menopause
The physiological transition to menopause can happen up to 10 years before a woman’s final menstrual period, although the average length of perimenopause is about four years. Symptoms may quietly begin in a woman’s 30s, 40s or 50s, and what might look like an isolated problem at first – like brain fog, a night of insomnia or an irregular monthly cycle – could be connected to broader hormonal changes.
Menopause Is More Than Just “Hot Flashes”
Since more than half of women surveyed were already aware of menopause symptoms like hot flashes, mood changes, anxiety and fatigue, these may not take them by surprise. Little-known symptoms are a different story – the majority of respondents didn’t anticipate menopausal issues like rage, inner-ear itching or reduced joint mobility. According to the National Menopause Foundation, women may also experience sleep disturbances, sweating, changes in libido, vaginal dryness, incontinence, weight changes and more.
Every woman’s experience is unique, so these symptoms could present in different combinations and intensities during menopausal years or may not appear at all.
Talking About Menopause Can Be Difficult
Even as women go through these physical and emotional shifts, many struggle to open up about their experiences. In fact, women rank menopause symptoms (17%) more difficult to discuss than hot-button topics like political views (13%), weight (13%) and religious beliefs (10%).
However, suffering in silence can lead to feelings of isolation, relationship misunderstandings and hesitation to seek help, which is why 66% of women said the lack of open discussion about menopause makes the experience worse.
Menopause Isn’t All Bad News
Although this season of life comes with challenges, there are joys to embrace as well. Women navigating midlife can come out the other side with more resilience, emotional awareness and a stronger sense of self. In fact, 44% of women surveyed said their outlook on life became more positive since their transition.
What Loved Ones Can Actually Do
Menopause is a highly individual experience, but that doesn’t mean women have to navigate it alone. Support from partners, families and friends can lift women up during difficult moments, and it can be as simple as taking the time to ask questions, listen and learn about how menopause is affecting their lives. With 30% of women in the U.S. labor force – approximately 15-16 million – in the age range corresponding to menopausal transition (ages 45-60), workplaces can also take steps to become more menopause friendly.
For more resources to help understand symptoms and discuss the transition with loved ones, visit nationalmenopausefoundation.org.
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock
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home gardening
Beyond the Leaf Pile: 4 Tips for Autumn Lawn Care
4 Tips for Autumn Lawn Care: Many people associate fall yardwork with raking up the crispy, colorful leaves that have drifted down from surrounding trees. Don’t let that be the only task on your outdoor agenda, however, because this season is also an opportunity to improve the overall health of your lawn so it’s ready to thrive once spring arrives.
Beyond the Leaf Pile: 4 Tips for Autumn Lawn Care
(Feature Impact) Many people associate fall yardwork with raking up the crispy, colorful leaves that have drifted down from surrounding trees. Don’t let that be the only task on your outdoor agenda, however, because this season is also an opportunity to improve the overall health of your lawn so it’s ready to thrive once spring arrives.
Start with these autumn lawn care tips:
- Continue Mowing
As long as the grass keeps growing, homeowners should keep mowing – with a couple of smart seasonal adjustments. First, lower the mower height for your final two cuts so the grass isn’t too tall going into winter. Second, instead of raking all the leaves up beforehand, think about leaving a layer on the lawn so the mower can shred them and effectively turn them into mulch, returning their nutrients to the soil.
- Fertilize the Lawn
Especially if you grow cool-weather grass varieties like rye or fescue, feeding your lawn can actually be most effective in the fall. Fertilizer helps nourish the roots of your grass, strengthening it through the winter and preparing it to grow lush and green in the spring and summer. Aim to feed it once in the beginning of the season then again 6-8 weeks later or according to the recommended schedule for your region.
- Battle Stubborn Weeds
If you’ve been dealing with perennial weeds throughout the summer, fall could mean your chance to get rid of them once and for all. Weeds absorb herbicides readily on days with moderate temperatures and moist soil, so this task might be well-timed after some autumn rain has fallen.
- Add Grass Seed to Thin Spots
Whether you have bare patches on your lawn or areas of thinning grass, fall is the best time to seed cool-season lawns. (Skip this tip if you live in the South and have a warm-season lawn.) At least six weeks before the first hard frost in your area, spread grass seed over the areas you want to replenish or thicken then keep the lawn consistently watered until it germinates. Aerating the soil first can help the seed take root.
Find more seasonal home and garden tips by visiting eLivingtoday.com.
Photo courtesy of Unsplash
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