Lifestyle
Self-forgiveness is more than self-comfort − a philosopher explains
Self-forgiveness requires confronting negative emotions, acknowledging wrongdoing, and is essential for moral growth and healthier relationships.
Last Updated on March 7, 2026 by Daily News Staff
Mordechai Gordon, Quinnipiac University
As the Jewish High Holidays approach, which begin with Rosh Hashanah and continue with Yom Kippur, the theme of forgiveness keeps coming to my mind.
The 10 days from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur are referred to in the Jewish tradition as the days of repentance, or the days of awe. During this period, Jews who observe the holidays implore God to respond to their sins with mercy, while also requesting forgiveness from anyone those individuals may have wronged in the past year.
Most conversations about forgiveness focus on the meaning and value of forgiving others. Douglas Stewart, a philosopher of education who has researched forgiveness extensively, writes that to forgive implies a willingness to let go of our negative emotions or hard feelings and to adopt in their place a more generous and compassionate attitude toward our wrongdoers.
Other philosophers have pointed out that the benefits of forgiveness include overcoming resentment, restoring relationships and setting a wrong to rest in the past – without vengeance. As such, to forgive should be considered morally valuable and admirable.
But what about self-forgiveness? Is it morally valuable, or just something we do to make ourselves feel better? And what is self-forgiveness, anyway?
As a philosopher of education, some of my own research has wrestled with these questions.
Defining self-forgiveness
Self-forgiveness means managing to work through painful feelings such as guilt, shame and deep disappointment with ourselves. It entails transforming negative attitudes, such as contempt, anger and shame, into more positive emotions such as respect and humility.
It is important to recognize, however, that a wrongdoer cannot simply reject shame: They must confront it. Moral philosophers such as Byron Williston assert that people who have deeply wronged others, such as betraying a loved one, need to experience shame and take responsibility for their actions – such as asking for forgiveness. Otherwise, an attempt at self-forgiveness is not likely to be meaningful.
Finally, we need to keep in mind that self-forgiveness does not imply someone has extinguished all the negative feelings directed at themselves or is done with self-reproach. This would amount to an impossible goal.
Rather, as philosopher Robin Dillon pointed out, self-forgiveness suggests that someone is no longer being consumed or overwhelmed by those negative feelings. In short, it is possible to forgive ourselves and still view ourselves with a demanding and critical eye.
Moral development
Getting there, though, is not easy. Self-forgiveness entails working through a rigorous process of coming to terms with wrongdoing.
According to ethicist Margaret Holmgren, that process includes at least four steps: acknowledging that what we did was wrong; coming to terms with why it was wrong; allowing ourselves to experience grief and self-resentment at having injured another person; and, finally, making a genuine effort to correct the attitudes that led to the harmful act and making amends to the victim.
In other words, confronting negative emotions, attitudes and patterns is essential prior to attempting to restore relationships with others. Only once we are able to relax the preoccupation with guilt and shame, and to genuinely forgive ourselves, can we meaningfully contribute to relationships as liberated and equal partners – especially in ongoing ones, such as with family and friends.
Of course, there are cases in which the offense is so vast, such as genocide, that no individual can make full restitution or provide an adequate apology for the wrong.
There are other times when an apology is impossible. Perhaps victims are dead; perhaps a direct apology would retraumatize them or do more harm than good.
In those cases, I would argue, an offender can still attempt to work toward self-forgiveness – acknowledging not only the victim’s intrinsic worth but their own, regardless of their ability to make amends. This in itself is moral growth: appreciating that neither is a mere object that can be manipulated or abused.
The take-home point, I would argue, is that going through the process of self-forgiveness is morally beneficial. It can not only liberate people who tend to reproach themselves incessantly, but it can enhance their ability to relate ethically toward others – to acknowledge wrongdoing, while simultaneously affirming their own value.
Most people have experienced at least one situation in which they inflicted pain on someone else and recognized that their words or actions caused harm. In such situations, we also often feel ashamed of ourselves and attempt to apologize or make amends.
Yet I hope that during this High Holiday season we keep in mind that self-forgiveness should also be considered essential. If moral development means a process in which our self-awareness and character mature, then acknowledging wrongdoing and experiencing shame, followed by self-forgiveness, are indispensable for that process.
Mordechai Gordon, Professor of Education, Quinnipiac University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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Food and Beverage
Jack-o’-Lantern Stuffed Peppers Prove Fun Isn’t Just for Pumpkins
These Jack-o’-Lantern Stuffed Peppers give you a Halloween-themed, kid-approved way to put vegetables on the dinner table.
Recipes:
Jack-o’-Lantern Stuffed Peppers
Jack-o’-Lantern Stuffed Peppers Prove Fun Isn’t Just for Pumpkins
(Feature Impact) Jack-o’-lantern carving is a cherished fall tradition – but pumpkins aren’t the only vegetables you can decorate with fun, spooky or scary faces. These Jack-o’-Lantern Stuffed Peppers give you a Halloween-themed, kid-approved way to put vegetables on the dinner table.
Filled with savory ground turkey, brown rice, melty cheese and warm, savory spices, these peppers taste as autumnal as they look. It’s simple to customize the filling to your family’s tastes, and you can even make the meal interactive by inviting kids to choose their own pepper colors and carve their own expressions.
Find more Halloween and seasonal recipes at Culinary.net.
Jack-o’-Lantern Stuffed Peppers
Recipe adapted from AllRecipes
Prep time: 15 minutes
Cook time: 45 minutes
Servings: 4
- 1 teaspoon olive oil
- 1 pound ground turkey
- 3 cloves garlic, minced
- 1/2 medium onion, diced
- 1 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1 teaspoon cumin
- 4 large orange bell peppers
- 1 cup cooked brown rice
- 1 cup grated sharp cheddar cheese
- 2 teaspoons kosher salt
- 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
- cayenne pepper, to taste
- cups seasoned tomato sauce, warmed
- Preheat oven to 400 F and coat 9-by-13-inch baking dish with olive oil.
- In skillet, brown ground turkey with minced garlic, onion, garlic powder and cumin until meat is cooked, 4-5 minutes.
- With small knife, cut eyes, nose and mouth into flattest side of each pepper to resemble jack-o’-lantern. Cut around seed pods and remove pepper tops, trimming and discarding any seeds from under stems then setting tops aside. Trim white membranes from inside each pepper and shake out seeds. Place peppers in prepared baking dish.
- In bowl, combine turkey mixture with cooked rice, cheddar cheese, salt, black pepper and cayenne pepper, to taste.
- Divide and stuff mixture into peppers; cover with reserved pepper tops.
- Wrap baking dish loosely with aluminum foil and bake until peppers are tender, about 45 minutes.
- Spoon about 3 tablespoons warm tomato sauce onto each plate; place stuffed peppers on top. Serve remaining sauce on side.
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock
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Lifestyle
How to Manage Symptoms of Heart Failure
Symptoms of Heart Failure: Managing heart failure is a significant expense to the U.S. healthcare system, costing the nation approximately $40 billion in 2020 and expected to increase to approximately $142 billion a year by 2050. If you (or a loved one) are living with the condition, consider these tips to help manage it.
How to Manage Symptoms of Heart Failure
(Feature Impact) Americans are facing a growing health challenge, with 1 in 4 adults at risk of heart failure, according to the Heart Failure Society of America. Additionally, approximately 6.7 million U.S. adults who are 20 years old or older are currently living with heart failure, and that number is projected to reach 8.7 million by 2030.
Managing heart failure is a significant expense to the U.S. healthcare system, costing the nation approximately $40 billion in 2020 and expected to increase to approximately $142 billion a year by 2050.
If you (or a loved one) are living with the condition, consider these tips to help manage it.
Adhere to the Treatment and Follow-Up Plan
Ongoing outpatient care is important when managing heart failure. Understand the treatment plan provided by your healthcare team, make diet and lifestyle changes, take medications as directed and keep recommended follow-up appointments.
Pay attention to changes in symptoms and communicate with your healthcare provider if treatment does not seem to be working as expected. If their conditions are left unmanaged, patients can experience a range of heart-failure-related symptoms such as shortness of breath, fatigue, buildup of fluid and more.
Understand Challenges with Diuretic Treatment
Diuretics help the body remove excess fluid and are commonly used to treat swelling, or edema, associated with heart failure. Your provider may try different diuretics, sometimes referred to as “water pills,” to manage your heart failure symptoms. However, intravenous (IV) diuretic therapy may be required for some patients if symptoms continue.
Ask About Treatment Options Before IV Care Is Needed
For some adults, a healthcare provider may consider recommending an at-home, non-oral diuretic option prior to escalating to IV therapy.
For example, ENBUMYST™ (bumetanide nasal spray) is a prescription diuretic used in adults to treat edema associated with congestive heart failure. It’s administered as a nasal spray for short-term use to manage excess fluid with the goal of transitioning to oral diuretic therapy when appropriate.
Talk with your healthcare provider to learn more and visit enbumyst.com. Read the full Prescribing Information and Patient Information.
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock
Important Safety Information
What is ENBUMYST?
ENBUMYST is a prescription medicine used in adults to treat swelling caused by excess fluid in the body (edema) from congestive heart failure, liver disease, and kidney disease.
What is the most important information I should know about ENBUMYST?
- ENBUMYST is a diuretic that helps your body remove fluid. Losing too much fluid can cause dehydration, low blood volume, and increase the risk of blood clots. Blood abnormalities may include decreased salts (electrolytes), and increased nitrogen, glucose and uric acid. The risk of these abnormalities is higher in elderly people, those using higher doses, or those who do not get enough electrolytes by mouth.
- You should not use ENBUMYST if you have severe electrolyte loss. Tell your healthcare provider if you experience unusual thirst; dizziness or lightheadedness; weakness or tiredness; fast heart rate; dry mouth or tongue; sudden pain; redness or swelling in your joints; pain, swelling, redness, or warmth in your leg; shortness of breath or fast breathing; high blood sugar; dark urine; pale, tight, cool or clammy skin; muscle cramps; confusion.
Do not use ENBUMYST if youhave low or no urine production or are allergic to bumetanide or to any of the ingredients in ENBUMYST.
Before using ENBUMYST, tell your healthcare provider if you have low electrolytes, are on a low-salt diet, have diarrhea, diabetes, nasal problems such as a runny or stuffy nose or polyps, a history of nasal injury or surgery, are or plan to become pregnant, are or plan to breastfeed.
Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take, including prescriptions, over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, and herbal supplements.
ENBUMYST may cause serious side effects, such as worsening kidney function and ringing in the ears or hearing loss.
The most common side effects of ENBUMYST include dehydration, headache, muscle cramps, dizziness, low blood pressure, nausea, and abnormal brain functioning with certain liver problems.
These are not all the possible side effects of ENBUMYST. Talk to your healthcare provider for more information.
Call your healthcare provider for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088.
US-ENBU-2600110
SOURCE:
Esperion
financial wellness
Investing in Education: 5 Ways to Prepare Students for the Jobs of Tomorrow
Jobs of Tomorrow: A diploma is still an important milestone, but what matters more than the piece of paper is whether graduates have the knowledge, skills and confidence to take meaningful next steps in pursuing further education or building careers. Students, families, educators, employers and policymakers all have a role to play in cultivating these opportunities.
Investing in Education: 5 Ways to Prepare Students for the Jobs of Tomorrow
(Feature Impact) The landscape of modern work is changing rapidly, leaving many uncertain about whether they’re adequately equipped to face the future. Even though America invests roughly $1 trillion in education every year, it’s difficult to know whether that investment is truly preparing young people for what comes next.
“Our education system isn’t evolving quickly enough to prepare our students for the jobs of tomorrow,” said Amit Sevak, CEO of ETS, a global education and talent solutions organization working with more than 30 million students a year to measure learning success and power human progress at every stage of life. “Students only get one chance at an education, and we have a responsibility to understand what’s working, what’s not and where additional support is needed.”
A diploma is still an important milestone, but what matters more than the piece of paper is whether graduates have the knowledge, skills and confidence to take meaningful next steps in pursuing further education or building careers. Students, families, educators, employers and policymakers all have a role to play in cultivating these opportunities.
Start the Conversation Early
Success isn’t a single path anymore, so young people may benefit from thinking outside the traditional pipeline of high school to college to a good job to retirement. By prompting early conversations, parents can help their children begin sorting through their options well in advance. Encourage dinner table talks about favorite school subjects, what kind of work seems interesting and alternative pathways to build careers. The goal isn’t necessarily to choose a life track immediately – just to start exploring ideas before the time arrives to lock in a decision.
Learn to Work with AI
In the age of AI, there’s a balance to be found between fully embracing or avoiding it. Parents and educators can encourage thoughtful, responsible use of the AI tools reshaping modern workplaces – without sanctioning them as a way to get out of doing homework. Students should think critically about both the uses and limitations of AI, learning how these systems work but still recognizing when human judgment matters.
Get Real-World Experience Before Graduation
Textbooks and classrooms can teach a lot, but some of the most valuable lessons come from the real world. Summer jobs, internships, volunteering, co-op programs, job shadowing or small-scale forays into entrepreneurship can help kids discover where their talents and passions fit. It’s also a chance to develop the soft skills that make great employees, like being punctual, working well with others and adapting to new situations.
Build Human Skills
There are certain abilities technology just can’t replace, making them vital pieces of future-proof training. Strong communication, teamwork mindsets, critical thinking skills, civic reasoning and empathy translate well to many careers. Rather than focusing strictly on academics, teachers can shift lesson plans to encourage growth in these areas. Specialized hands-on talents and trades are also more insulated from technological disruptions.
Measure Progress Beyond Grades
Grades and test scores don’t tell the whole story about career readiness, yet they’re often treated as the only metric that matters in educational success. Policymakers have the opportunity to change how schools measure student progress, including by trading the one-size-fits-all rubrics for more personalized assessments that demonstrate proficiency in more comprehensive ways. Education is on the ballot this election season, so ask your local and state elected leaders about whether today’s graduates are ready to face the future.
For information about a system that gives students, educators and employers clear evidence that learning is leading to opportunity, visit ETS.org.
Photos courtesy of Shutterstock
SOURCE:
ETS
