Lifestyle
‘Bouncing back’ is a myth – resilience means integrating hard experiences into your life story, not ignoring them
Keith M. Bellizzi, University of Connecticut
How to Build Resilience
When Maria looked at herself in the mirror for the first time after her mastectomy, she stood very still.
One hand rested on the bathroom counter. The other hovered near the flat space where her breast had been. The scar was raw and angry. The loss was quiet but enormous. Her body felt foreign.
In moments like these, people are often urged to be resilient – which can feel like being told to show no weakness, to push through no matter what. Or they imagine resilience as bouncing back: returning somehow unscathed to be the person you were before.
But standing in that bathroom, Maria knew there was no going back. And toughness wouldn’t change what had happened. The real question was how she could move forward, carrying this experience into her new reality.
Maria’s story, one I came to know personally, is far from unique. Loss, trauma and illness often bring the same wrenching questions of identity and the painful uncertainty of what comes next.
I’ve spent more than two decades studying resilience, particularly among individuals and families navigating these kinds of life-changing events. I am also a four-time cancer survivor and author of a new book, “Falling Forward: The New Science of Resilience and Personal Transformation.” If there is one myth I wish society would retire, it’s the idea that resilience means “toughness” or “bouncing back.”
Rethinking resilience based on research
Moments like Maria’s reveal something important: The way people tend to talk about resilience often doesn’t match how people actually live through adversity.
In popular culture, resilience is often equated with grit, toughness or relentless positivity. People celebrate the warrior, the fighter, the triumphant survivor.
But across research, clinical practice and lived experience, resilience is something far more nuanced, raw and human.
It’s not a personality trait that some people simply have and others lack. Decades of research show resilience is a dynamic process. It’s shaped by the small, everyday decisions and adjustments individuals make as they adapt to significant adversity while maintaining, or gradually regaining, their psychological and physical footing over time.
And importantly, resilience does not mean the absence of distress.
Research on people facing serious life disruptions shows that distress and resilience often coexist. For example, in my study of adolescent and young adult cancer survivors, participants reported being upset about finances, body image and disrupted life plans, while simultaneously highlighting positive changes, such as strengthened relationships and a greater sense of purpose.
Resilience, in other words, is not about erasing pain and suffering. It is about learning how to integrate difficult experiences into a life that continues forward.
How resilience really works
At one point, Maria told me she had started avoiding mirrors, intimacy, even conversations that made others uncomfortable.
“Well, you’re strong,” people would tell her. “Just stay positive. This too shall pass.”
But strength, she said, felt like a performance.
What ultimately shifted for Maria was not an increase in toughness. It was permission to grieve.
She began speaking openly about the loss of her breast; not just as a medical procedure but as a symbolic loss tied to identity, sexuality and womanhood. She joined a support group. She allowed herself to feel anger alongside gratitude for survival.
This kind of emotional processing turns out to be central to resilience.
My colleagues and I have found that people who actively process loss, rather than suppress it, demonstrate better long-term adjustment. Tamping down negative feelings may provide short-term relief, but over time it is associated with greater stress on your body and more difficulty adapting.
In other words, resilience is not about sealing the wound and pretending it no longer aches. It is about learning how to carry the wound without letting it consume your entire story.
Neuroscience supports this integration model. When people engage in meaning-making – reflecting on their experiences and incorporating them into a coherent life narrative – brain networks associated with emotional regulation and cognitive flexibility become more active. The brain, quite literally, reorganizes as you adapt to new realities.
Maria described the change simply.
“I don’t like what happened,” she told me. “But I’m not at war with my body anymore.”
That is resilience.
Practices that help build resilience
If resilience is about integration rather than toughness and bouncing back, how can you cultivate it? Research across psychology, neuroscience and chronic illness points to several evidence-based strategies:
- Allow emotional complexity: Resilient people are not relentlessly positive. They allow space for the full range of emotions, such as gratitude and grief, hope and fear. Paying attention to your feelings through strategies such as reflective writing or psychotherapy have been linked to improved psychological adaptation.
- Build a coherent narrative: Human beings are storytellers. Trauma can shatter one’s sense of self, but constructing a narrative that acknowledges loss while identifying continuity and growth supports adaptation. The goal is not to spin suffering into silver linings, but to situate it within a broader life story. For example, someone might say, “Cancer derailed my plans and changed my body, but it also clarified what matters to me and how I want to move forward.”
- Lean into connection: Isolation magnifies suffering. Social support is one of the strongest predictors of how well people are able to cope and move forward after illness or trauma. For Maria, connection with other women who had had mastectomies normalized her experience and reduced shame.
- Practice deliberate pauses: Intentionally give yourself some time to breathe. Mindfulness and contemplative solitude can strengthen your ability to regulate emotions and recover from stress. Pausing allows experience to be processed rather than avoided.
- Expand identity: Illness, loss and trauma reshape how you think of yourself. Rather than clinging to who you were, resilience often involves expanding who you are becoming. Research on post-traumatic growth shows that people often report deeper relationships, clarified priorities and renewed purpose – not because trauma was good, but because it forced reevaluation. Maria no longer describes herself simply as a breast cancer patient. She is a survivor, yes, but also an advocate, a mentor, a woman whose sense of femininity is self-defined rather than dictated by her anatomy.
Moving forward
We are living in a time of widespread burnout and rising mental health challenges, where cultural pressure to appear strong often leaves people silently struggling. An insistence on grit and relentless optimism can backfire, making people feel inadequate when they inevitably feel pain.
Resilience is not about returning to who you were before illness, loss or trauma. It is about becoming someone new: someone who carries the scar, remembers the loss and still chooses to engage with life.
Maria still pauses when she sees her reflection. But she no longer turns away.
“This is my body,” she told me recently. “This is my story.”
Resilience is not forged in the denial of vulnerability, but in its acceptance. Not in bouncing back, but in integrating what has happened into who you are becoming.
And that, I believe, is where real strength lives.
Keith M. Bellizzi, Professor of Human Development and Family Sciences, University of Connecticut
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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Family
Teach and Inspire Your Kids by Exploring History as a Family
History as a Family: During back-to-school season, education is naturally at the forefront of most parents’ minds. While a lot of important learning is accomplished in the classroom, there are so many opportunities to continue challenging and developing children’s minds and hearts in family life as well.
Teach and Inspire Your Kids by Exploring History as a Family
(Feature Impact) During back-to-school season, education is naturally at the forefront of most parents’ minds. While a lot of important learning is accomplished in the classroom, there are so many opportunities to continue challenging and developing children’s minds and hearts in family life as well. Learning about history together is a practical way to inspire deep, meaningful conversations about the world, whether from books, documentaries or visits to museums.
Watch this video to learn more
Now is an opportune time to explore the story of Anne Frank, a Jewish teenager evading Nazi capture during the Holocaust. Families can read her famous diary together then visit “Anne Frank The Exhibition,” presented by the Anne Frank House at the Griffin Museum of Science and Industry. This comprehensive exhibition immerses visitors in the context that shaped Frank’s life, from her early years in Frankfurt through her tragic death and how her father ensured her legacy. The centerpiece is the first full-scale recreation of the Annex where the Frank family and four other Jews hid during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands. The exhibition, recommended for visitors ages 10 and older, is open through early 2027.
No matter what piece of history families choose to delve into together, they should take the time to discuss with their kids what they’re thinking and feeling about everything they’re discovering. Then together they can figure out what lessons from the past can be taken into the future.
“Anne Frank ’s story is a powerful reminder of what happens when fear and hatred are
allowed to take root,” said Dr. Chevy Humphrey, Griffin Museum of Science and Industry
president and CEO. “At the same time, it reveals the quiet but enduring strength of
curiosity, creativity and resilience, values that sit at the heart of our mission. We hope this
exhibition offers meaningful moments of reflection for our guests, particularly young
people, and encourages them to think critically about their role in the world they are
inheriting.”
Learn more about the exhibit and other experiences that bring history and science to life at GriffinMSI.org.
SOURCE:
Griffin Museum of Science and Industry
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Lifestyle
If You’re Feeling Stressed by Pricey Meds, Pharmacists Can Help
Stressed by Pricey Meds? If your wallet is feeling the squeeze of prescription drug costs as other living expenses like grocery and energy prices rise, you’re not alone. That’s where a powerful ally can help you manage drug costs: a health-system pharmacist.
If You’re Feeling Stressed by Pricey Meds, Pharmacists Can Help
(Feature Impact) If your wallet is feeling the squeeze of prescription drug costs as other living expenses like grocery and energy prices rise, you’re not alone.
More people are worrying about affording essential medications these days. In fact, more than 40% of adults said they skipped doses or didn’t fill prescriptions in the past year due to cost, according to a KFF Health survey.
People who take multiple drugs to manage chronic conditions often feel this pinch even more severely. They’re also more likely to make more frequent visits to their clinic or health system for care. That’s where a powerful ally can help them manage their drug costs: a health-system pharmacist.
These medication experts work side-by-side with the clinicians who prescribe drugs in health care practices – and sometimes prescribe medications themselves. Their deep knowledge can help people get the most out of the drugs they take.
“Pharmacists really know the full picture of medications, including pricing, insurance coverage, alternative therapies and potential side effects,” said Lindsey Amerine, PharmD, chief pharmacy officer for the Cleveland Clinic. “That’s why it’s helpful to not only count on your doctor to diagnose your condition and prescribe therapies, but also your pharmacist to optimize your medications.”
Get a Comprehensive Review of Your Medications
Asking the pharmacist on your health-system care team to go over your medications may reveal opportunities to save, Amerine said. Health-system pharmacists are uniquely qualified to provide this service because they keep close track of medication costs as well as approvals of new drugs and how those compare to older options.
A full review might reveal:
- Drugs once needed may not be as useful anymore. People often continue taking medications unaware that something new could offer greater benefits or their condition no longer requires the same therapy.
- Changes in your condition may mean you could safely take a lower dosage of a drug, thereby reducing costs.
- There may be less costly alternatives that would work as well such as a generic or older medication.
Get Help Exploring Discount Options
You’ve probably heard about programs that can help lower prescription costs, including discount and patient assistance programs. Pharmacists can help you understand how to navigate these programs and access potential discount programs and opportunities, Amerine said. Here’s how:
- Pharmacists can guide you through discount programs your health system offers.
- They can check your eligibility for drug maker discounts and help you understand how those discounts work with your insurance, especially if you have a high-deductible plan.
- Pharmacists can help you navigate the various prescription cost-savings programs and how they work.
- They can also help you learn about patient assistance programs that provide free or discounted medications to people who cannot afford them.
Medications are a vital part of your health care. Before you try to stretch a costly medicine or give it up altogether, talk to the medication expert on your health care team: your health-system pharmacist. For more information, visit yourpharmacist.org.
Why It Pays to Talk Meds with a Pharmacist
“My doctor prescribed it, so I must need it.” Often this is true, but not always. People sometimes take drugs longer than they need to, at doses higher than necessary or that may interact with other medications.
Just as you’d see a heart specialist about an odd pulse rate, it can help to see a pharmacist – your medication specialist – to discuss your prescriptions.
Of all health care professionals, pharmacists have the deepest knowledge of drug interactions and safety issues. They’re experts on how the effectiveness of different medications – brand name and generic – compare. They also closely track changes in prices and know when a drug’s cost has dropped or if an effective, less costly alternative is available.
Health-system pharmacists’ expertise is especially helpful for those with multiple chronic conditions who typically take several medications with more benefits, costs and side effects to balance.
Talking with a pharmacist can ensure your prescriptions are best for you and that you have access to the most affordable options.
SOURCE:
American Society of Health-System Pharmacists
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Health
Is Vaping Really Safer Than Smoking? Here’s What You Should Know
Vaping may expose users to fewer harmful chemicals than cigarettes, but it isn’t risk-free. Here’s what you should know about the health risks, side effects, and potential benefits of switching from smoking to vaping.
Over the past decade, vaping has become a common alternative to traditional cigarette smoking. While many people view e-cigarettes as a “healthier” option, the reality is more complicated. Experts generally agree that vaping exposes users to fewer harmful chemicals than burning tobacco, but that doesn’t mean it’s risk-free.
Unlike traditional cigarettes, vaping devices heat a liquid—often containing nicotine, flavorings, and other chemicals—into an aerosol that users inhale. Because there is no combustion, vaping eliminates many of the toxic substances produced by cigarette smoke, including tar and carbon monoxide. However, users are still exposed to potentially harmful chemicals and ultrafine particles that can affect the lungs and cardiovascular system.
Known Health Risks
Research has linked vaping to several potential health concerns, including:
- Nicotine addiction
- Increased heart rate and blood pressure
- Lung irritation, coughing, and wheezing
- Exposure to chemicals such as formaldehyde and heavy metals
- Possible long-term effects on heart and lung health that are still being studied
In addition, nicotine can affect brain development in adolescents and young adults, making vaping especially concerning for younger users.
Is It Better Than Smoking?
For adults who already smoke cigarettes, many public health experts believe that completely switching to regulated nicotine vaping products is likely less harmful than continuing to smoke traditional cigarettes. That’s because cigarette smoke contains thousands of chemicals, including dozens known to cause cancer.
However, vaping is not considered safe. The greatest health benefits come from quitting nicotine altogether. People who both vape and continue smoking cigarettes may see little reduction in health risks.
Common Side Effects
Some people who vape report:
- Dry mouth
- Sore throat
- Coughing
- Headaches
- Dizziness
- Nausea
- Sleep disturbances related to nicotine
The Bottom Line
If you don’t smoke, health experts recommend that you don’t start vaping. For smokers trying to quit, vaping may reduce exposure to many of the harmful chemicals found in cigarettes—but it should be viewed as a potential harm-reduction tool rather than a harmless habit.
Whether you smoke, vape, or are trying to quit, talking with your healthcare provider about evidence-based smoking cessation options can help you find the approach that’s right for you.
Your health is worth investing in—every step away from tobacco is a step toward a healthier future.
Related Links
- FDA — E-Cigarettes, Vapes and Other Electronic Nicotine Delivery Systems — Information about e-cigarettes and vaping products regulated by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.
- Smokefree.gov — What We Know About Electronic Cigarettes — National Cancer Institute information about vaping, nicotine, potential health risks, and smoking cessation.
- American Lung Association — E-Cigarettes and Vaping — Resources covering vaping’s potential effects on lung health and nicotine addiction.
- American Lung Association — E-Cigarettes and Lung Health — A closer look at what researchers know about vaping and lung health.
- Smokefree.gov — Quit Vaping Resources — Practical information for people who want to stop vaping, including managing cravings and nicotine withdrawal.
💪 Your health journey starts here! Explore the latest health news, fitness tips, wellness trends, and healthy living advice. Share your thoughts in the comments and subscribe to the STM Daily News newsletter to stay informed and inspired every day.
