Lifestyle
‘Bouncing back’ is a myth – resilience means integrating hard experiences into your life story, not ignoring them
Keith M. Bellizzi, University of Connecticut
How to Build Resilience
When Maria looked at herself in the mirror for the first time after her mastectomy, she stood very still.
One hand rested on the bathroom counter. The other hovered near the flat space where her breast had been. The scar was raw and angry. The loss was quiet but enormous. Her body felt foreign.
In moments like these, people are often urged to be resilient – which can feel like being told to show no weakness, to push through no matter what. Or they imagine resilience as bouncing back: returning somehow unscathed to be the person you were before.
But standing in that bathroom, Maria knew there was no going back. And toughness wouldn’t change what had happened. The real question was how she could move forward, carrying this experience into her new reality.
Maria’s story, one I came to know personally, is far from unique. Loss, trauma and illness often bring the same wrenching questions of identity and the painful uncertainty of what comes next.
I’ve spent more than two decades studying resilience, particularly among individuals and families navigating these kinds of life-changing events. I am also a four-time cancer survivor and author of a new book, “Falling Forward: The New Science of Resilience and Personal Transformation.” If there is one myth I wish society would retire, it’s the idea that resilience means “toughness” or “bouncing back.”
Rethinking resilience based on research
Moments like Maria’s reveal something important: The way people tend to talk about resilience often doesn’t match how people actually live through adversity.
In popular culture, resilience is often equated with grit, toughness or relentless positivity. People celebrate the warrior, the fighter, the triumphant survivor.
But across research, clinical practice and lived experience, resilience is something far more nuanced, raw and human.
It’s not a personality trait that some people simply have and others lack. Decades of research show resilience is a dynamic process. It’s shaped by the small, everyday decisions and adjustments individuals make as they adapt to significant adversity while maintaining, or gradually regaining, their psychological and physical footing over time.
And importantly, resilience does not mean the absence of distress.
Research on people facing serious life disruptions shows that distress and resilience often coexist. For example, in my study of adolescent and young adult cancer survivors, participants reported being upset about finances, body image and disrupted life plans, while simultaneously highlighting positive changes, such as strengthened relationships and a greater sense of purpose.
Resilience, in other words, is not about erasing pain and suffering. It is about learning how to integrate difficult experiences into a life that continues forward.
How resilience really works
At one point, Maria told me she had started avoiding mirrors, intimacy, even conversations that made others uncomfortable.
“Well, you’re strong,” people would tell her. “Just stay positive. This too shall pass.”
But strength, she said, felt like a performance.
What ultimately shifted for Maria was not an increase in toughness. It was permission to grieve.
She began speaking openly about the loss of her breast; not just as a medical procedure but as a symbolic loss tied to identity, sexuality and womanhood. She joined a support group. She allowed herself to feel anger alongside gratitude for survival.
This kind of emotional processing turns out to be central to resilience.
My colleagues and I have found that people who actively process loss, rather than suppress it, demonstrate better long-term adjustment. Tamping down negative feelings may provide short-term relief, but over time it is associated with greater stress on your body and more difficulty adapting.
In other words, resilience is not about sealing the wound and pretending it no longer aches. It is about learning how to carry the wound without letting it consume your entire story.
Neuroscience supports this integration model. When people engage in meaning-making – reflecting on their experiences and incorporating them into a coherent life narrative – brain networks associated with emotional regulation and cognitive flexibility become more active. The brain, quite literally, reorganizes as you adapt to new realities.
Maria described the change simply.
“I don’t like what happened,” she told me. “But I’m not at war with my body anymore.”
That is resilience.
Practices that help build resilience
If resilience is about integration rather than toughness and bouncing back, how can you cultivate it? Research across psychology, neuroscience and chronic illness points to several evidence-based strategies:
- Allow emotional complexity: Resilient people are not relentlessly positive. They allow space for the full range of emotions, such as gratitude and grief, hope and fear. Paying attention to your feelings through strategies such as reflective writing or psychotherapy have been linked to improved psychological adaptation.
- Build a coherent narrative: Human beings are storytellers. Trauma can shatter one’s sense of self, but constructing a narrative that acknowledges loss while identifying continuity and growth supports adaptation. The goal is not to spin suffering into silver linings, but to situate it within a broader life story. For example, someone might say, “Cancer derailed my plans and changed my body, but it also clarified what matters to me and how I want to move forward.”
- Lean into connection: Isolation magnifies suffering. Social support is one of the strongest predictors of how well people are able to cope and move forward after illness or trauma. For Maria, connection with other women who had had mastectomies normalized her experience and reduced shame.
- Practice deliberate pauses: Intentionally give yourself some time to breathe. Mindfulness and contemplative solitude can strengthen your ability to regulate emotions and recover from stress. Pausing allows experience to be processed rather than avoided.
- Expand identity: Illness, loss and trauma reshape how you think of yourself. Rather than clinging to who you were, resilience often involves expanding who you are becoming. Research on post-traumatic growth shows that people often report deeper relationships, clarified priorities and renewed purpose – not because trauma was good, but because it forced reevaluation. Maria no longer describes herself simply as a breast cancer patient. She is a survivor, yes, but also an advocate, a mentor, a woman whose sense of femininity is self-defined rather than dictated by her anatomy.
Moving forward
We are living in a time of widespread burnout and rising mental health challenges, where cultural pressure to appear strong often leaves people silently struggling. An insistence on grit and relentless optimism can backfire, making people feel inadequate when they inevitably feel pain.
Resilience is not about returning to who you were before illness, loss or trauma. It is about becoming someone new: someone who carries the scar, remembers the loss and still chooses to engage with life.
Maria still pauses when she sees her reflection. But she no longer turns away.
“This is my body,” she told me recently. “This is my story.”
Resilience is not forged in the denial of vulnerability, but in its acceptance. Not in bouncing back, but in integrating what has happened into who you are becoming.
And that, I believe, is where real strength lives.
Keith M. Bellizzi, Professor of Human Development and Family Sciences, University of Connecticut
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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(Family Features) Food insecurity isn’t a new problem in the United States, but the economic upheaval created by the COVID-19 pandemic accelerated the problem.
During the pandemic, households in the United States with children experienced an increase in food insecurity, despite overall rates of food insecurity staying the same. In 2019, 13.6% of households with children were food insecure, but by 2020, that number increased to 14.8%, according to data from the U.S. Department of Agriculture.
In general, child food insecurity rates are higher than overall food insecurity rates, according to the annual Map the Meal Gap study conducted by Feeding America, a nationwide nonprofit network of food banks. According to data from the Children’s Defense Fund, this is particularly prevalent among low-income families, single mother households and Black and Hispanic households.
What Food Insecurity Means for Children
Food insecurity and hunger are closely related but not quite the same. People who are food insecure don’t have reliable, ongoing access to an adequate supply of affordable, nutritious food. Hunger is a physical condition; food insecurity reflects barriers to obtaining food such as finances, physical location and transportation.
Infants and toddlers are particularly vulnerable to nutrient deficiencies because their nutrient needs are high, especially in relation to the size of their stomachs and appetites. Caregivers in food-insecure households may have little choice but to settle for cheaper, energy-dense but nutrient-poor foods. As a result, food-insecure infants and toddlers are not receiving adequate nutrition even when they may be receiving enough calories to satisfy hunger.
Even if a child isn’t physically starving, inadequate nutrition can negatively affect health in numerous ways, including immune system function, low weight, learning and developmental delays, vitamin deficiencies and more.
Ways to Help Promote Better Nutrition
Support good nutrition during infancy and toddlerhood for your own children and others in the community with these practical tips:
- Participate in (or introduce those in need to) aid programs. Government nutrition assistance programs help provide essential nutrition needs during infant and toddler years. One example is the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants and Children (WIC), which provides a variety of resources including food and health care referrals to support mothers and young children at nutritional risk, including pregnant, breastfeeding and post-partum women, as well as infants and children up to age 5.
Another example is the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), which provides benefits low-income families can use to purchase nutritious foods. For children and adults who are enrolled in certain care programs, the Child and Adult Care Food Program (CACFP) helps ensure they have access to nutritious meals and snacks. - Make purchases that work extra hard. In addition to producing foods that encourage better nutrition for children, some brands also make contributions that help offset food insecurity. For example, for every box of Plum Organics Super Smoothies purchased, the company donates a pouch to a child in need through its “The Full Effect” program. The smoothie is a specially formulated blend of fruits, vegetables, legumes and grains with no added sugars designed to fight malnutrition and help fortify the diets of children who don’t have access to regular, healthy meals.
- Act as a role model for healthy choices. Children learn by example, so be sure your little ones see you enjoying nutritious snacks, filling your plate with appropriate portions and preparing well-rounded meals. When kids are exposed to a wide range of healthy options early in life, those food choices become the norm as they grow older.
- Volunteer at a food bank. Getting hands-on by donating your time at a local food bank can help you understand the complexity of food insecurity. Many nutritious selections are perishable, and transporting and storing perishable goods is costly. Volunteers help offset a food bank’s operational expenses by contributing labor to sort donated items, prepare deliveries and more.
To find more information about foods that provide infants and toddlers the nutrients they need, visit plumorganics.com. Photos courtesy of Getty Images
SOURCE:
Plum Organics
https://stmdailynews.com/category/food-and-drink/
Last Updated on July 17, 2026 by Daily News Staff
(Family Features) Most people think of heart attacks as debilitating pain in the chest. However, that’s not always the case, especially for women, and missing the signs can be a matter of life and death.
Although heart disease is the leading cause of death among American women, according to the American Heart Association, symptoms are often overlooked or explained away as less worrisome conditions.
“Men and women experience many aspects of life differently, and heart disease is no exception,” said LeAnne Bloedon, MS, RD, vice president of clinical development, Esperion Therapeutics. “Symptoms of a heart attack aren’t as obvious as many women think, and failing to recognize the danger and get help can have catastrophic results.”
One heart disease risk factor, for example, is high LDL cholesterol. Often referred to as a “silent killer,” it doesn’t always present noticeable symptoms. In fact, data suggests women with high LDL cholesterol are not diagnosed or treated as early or aggressively as men, which can put women at an increased risk for cardiovascular events. Understanding how men’s and women’s risk and symptoms differ may help identify and treat a serious heart health problem before it causes lasting damage.
Anatomy Differences
Some differences between men and women are present in the body’s internal systems, including the cardiovascular system. Women generally have smaller hearts and narrower blood vessels.
This can affect heart health in numerous ways, including less efficient stress responses and greater risk of widespread plaque buildup, especially in smaller vessels, called microvasculature, which can pose treatment challenges.
Cholesterol Buildup
Hormones influence aspects of the body’s function, including cholesterol levels. Estrogen, a female sex hormone, raises HDL (good) cholesterol levels. This may be why women tend to have more HDL cholesterol and lower LDL (bad) cholesterol than men, especially before they reach menopause, though inherited high cholesterol can affect women of all ages.
“It’s critical to raise awareness about the importance of measuring LDL cholesterol, diagnosing high cholesterol and treating elevated LDL cholesterol per guidelines and individual patient needs,” Bloedon said.
Risk Factors
While there are shared risk factors for heart disease among men and women (such as obesity, high blood pressure and diabetes), some risk factors disproportionately affect women. For example, uncontrolled cholesterol in women, particularly after menopause, can increase the risk of heart disease and stroke.
Care and Treatment
“While you may not be able to fully prevent heart disease, you can understand the risks and take proactive steps,” Bloedon said. “Commit to a healthy, smoke-free lifestyle. Exercise regularly and eat a well-balanced diet with limits on processed foods, sugar, sodium and alcohol. Take any medications as directed by your health care provider.”
Statins, which reduce the production of cholesterol in the liver and lower cholesterol levels in the bloodstream, are the medications most often prescribed to help manage high LDL cholesterol. While generally well-tolerated, statin intolerance (the inability to take a statin at any dose or the recommended dose) does occur in some patients and is more common in women.
Talk with your doctor about other steps you can take to manage elevated LDL cholesterol levels and learn more about women’s heart health at goredforwomen.org.
Symptoms of Heart Attacks in Women
Women’s experiences with heart disease may be quite different from men.
For example, according to the Heart Disease Foundation, women are likely to be older when they experience a heart attack. They may also attribute symptoms to other conditions, such as diabetes or arthritis.
Further complicating matters, several diseases mimic heart attacks so getting to the root of the problem can be tricky. Women are more apt than men to experience a coronary spasm, coronary dissection or broken heart syndrome.
What to Watch For:
- Like men, women experiencing a heart attack may notice prolonged or reoccurring chest pain or pressure.
- In women, that pain may extend to the arms, back, neck, jaw and stomach.
- Some women experience shortness of breath with no chest pain at all.
- Other symptoms women are more likely to report can be easily mistaken for other conditions. Some of these signs include unexplained fatigue, disruptions to normal sleep patterns, lightheadedness, nausea and cold sweats.
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock
SOURCE:
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jobs help wanted
Ghost Jobs: The Hidden Hiring Trend Affecting Millions of Job Seekers
Ghost jobs are becoming a growing concern for job seekers. Learn what they are, why companies post them, and how they affect hiring, the economy, and your job search.
Why You Keep Applying—But Never Hear Back
If you’ve ever spent hours tailoring your résumé for a position only to hear nothing in return, you may have encountered what’s known as a ghost job.
A ghost job is a job posting that appears active but isn’t currently being filled. While not every old or inactive listing is intentionally misleading, many remain online long after hiring has paused—or even after the position has already been filled.
The result is growing frustration among job seekers and increasing questions about the accuracy of employment data.
What Exactly Is a Ghost Job?
A ghost job is an advertised position where an employer has little or no immediate intention of hiring someone.
This doesn’t necessarily mean the company is acting maliciously. There are several reasons these listings exist.
Companies may:
- Build a database of future candidates
- Test salary expectations and available talent
- Comply with internal hiring policies
- Maintain the appearance of growth
- Delay removing listings after a hiring freeze or filled position
For applicants, however, the experience is often the same: applications disappear into a black hole.
Why Companies Post Ghost Jobs
Some employers say maintaining job listings helps them prepare for future growth.
Others keep positions open because budgets haven’t been finalized or executive approval hasn’t been granted.
Recruiters may also continue collecting résumés so they’re ready when a position eventually opens.
While these reasons may make business sense, they can create unrealistic expectations for applicants actively searching for work.
The Impact on Job Seekers
Ghost jobs can have real consequences.
Many applicants spend dozens of hours:
- Researching companies
- Customizing résumés
- Writing cover letters
- Completing assessments
- Participating in interviews that never lead anywhere
The emotional toll can be significant.
Repeated silence often leaves qualified workers questioning their experience or abilities when the issue may simply be that the position was never actively available.
How Ghost Jobs Affect the Economy
The effects extend beyond individual applicants.
Employment Data Can Be Misleading
Job openings are often viewed as a sign of economic strength.
If a significant share of posted openings aren’t being actively filled, the labor market may appear stronger than it actually is.
That can influence:
- Business confidence
- Consumer confidence
- Economic forecasts
- Public policy discussions
Productivity Suffers
Job seekers spend valuable time applying for positions that may never result in interviews.
Recruiters also spend time managing applications for jobs that aren’t immediately available.
Those inefficiencies create costs for both workers and employers.
Hiring Becomes Less Efficient
When applicants lose trust in job boards, they’re less likely to apply broadly.
Companies with legitimate openings may receive fewer qualified applicants because candidates become skeptical of online listings.
Are Ghost Jobs Illegal?
Generally, no.
In most cases, employers are legally allowed to advertise positions even if they’re not hiring immediately.
However, critics argue that intentionally leaving inactive jobs online without updating their status reduces transparency and wastes applicants’ time.
Some employment experts have called for greater accountability and clearer labeling of inactive or future hiring opportunities.
How to Spot a Ghost Job
While there’s no foolproof method, these warning signs may indicate a listing isn’t actively being filled:
- The same position has been reposted for months.
- The posting never disappears.
- Employees report hiring freezes.
- The company rarely responds to applicants.
- The job description is vague or unusually generic.
Tips for Job Seekers
Instead of applying blindly:
- Focus on recently posted openings.
- Connect with recruiters or current employees.
- Research whether the company is actually expanding.
- Use networking alongside online applications.
- Follow up professionally when possible.
Quality applications often produce better results than sending hundreds of résumés.
Looking Ahead
Artificial intelligence has made it easier than ever for applicants to submit hundreds of applications—and for employers to post and manage thousands of job listings.
As hiring becomes increasingly automated, transparency may become one of the most valuable qualities in the recruiting process.
For both employers and job seekers, trust remains the foundation of a healthy labor market.
Related Links
- U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics – Job Openings and Labor Turnover Survey (JOLTS)
- U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS)
- Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM)
- Indeed Career Guide
- LinkedIn Talent Blog
- CareerBuilder Advice & Resources
- Monster Career Advice
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