Lifestyle
‘Bouncing back’ is a myth – resilience means integrating hard experiences into your life story, not ignoring them
Keith M. Bellizzi, University of Connecticut
How to Build Resilience
When Maria looked at herself in the mirror for the first time after her mastectomy, she stood very still.
One hand rested on the bathroom counter. The other hovered near the flat space where her breast had been. The scar was raw and angry. The loss was quiet but enormous. Her body felt foreign.
In moments like these, people are often urged to be resilient – which can feel like being told to show no weakness, to push through no matter what. Or they imagine resilience as bouncing back: returning somehow unscathed to be the person you were before.
But standing in that bathroom, Maria knew there was no going back. And toughness wouldn’t change what had happened. The real question was how she could move forward, carrying this experience into her new reality.
Maria’s story, one I came to know personally, is far from unique. Loss, trauma and illness often bring the same wrenching questions of identity and the painful uncertainty of what comes next.
I’ve spent more than two decades studying resilience, particularly among individuals and families navigating these kinds of life-changing events. I am also a four-time cancer survivor and author of a new book, “Falling Forward: The New Science of Resilience and Personal Transformation.” If there is one myth I wish society would retire, it’s the idea that resilience means “toughness” or “bouncing back.”
Rethinking resilience based on research
Moments like Maria’s reveal something important: The way people tend to talk about resilience often doesn’t match how people actually live through adversity.
In popular culture, resilience is often equated with grit, toughness or relentless positivity. People celebrate the warrior, the fighter, the triumphant survivor.
But across research, clinical practice and lived experience, resilience is something far more nuanced, raw and human.
It’s not a personality trait that some people simply have and others lack. Decades of research show resilience is a dynamic process. It’s shaped by the small, everyday decisions and adjustments individuals make as they adapt to significant adversity while maintaining, or gradually regaining, their psychological and physical footing over time.
And importantly, resilience does not mean the absence of distress.
Research on people facing serious life disruptions shows that distress and resilience often coexist. For example, in my study of adolescent and young adult cancer survivors, participants reported being upset about finances, body image and disrupted life plans, while simultaneously highlighting positive changes, such as strengthened relationships and a greater sense of purpose.
Resilience, in other words, is not about erasing pain and suffering. It is about learning how to integrate difficult experiences into a life that continues forward.
How resilience really works
At one point, Maria told me she had started avoiding mirrors, intimacy, even conversations that made others uncomfortable.
“Well, you’re strong,” people would tell her. “Just stay positive. This too shall pass.”
But strength, she said, felt like a performance.
What ultimately shifted for Maria was not an increase in toughness. It was permission to grieve.
She began speaking openly about the loss of her breast; not just as a medical procedure but as a symbolic loss tied to identity, sexuality and womanhood. She joined a support group. She allowed herself to feel anger alongside gratitude for survival.
This kind of emotional processing turns out to be central to resilience.
My colleagues and I have found that people who actively process loss, rather than suppress it, demonstrate better long-term adjustment. Tamping down negative feelings may provide short-term relief, but over time it is associated with greater stress on your body and more difficulty adapting.
In other words, resilience is not about sealing the wound and pretending it no longer aches. It is about learning how to carry the wound without letting it consume your entire story.
Neuroscience supports this integration model. When people engage in meaning-making – reflecting on their experiences and incorporating them into a coherent life narrative – brain networks associated with emotional regulation and cognitive flexibility become more active. The brain, quite literally, reorganizes as you adapt to new realities.
Maria described the change simply.
“I don’t like what happened,” she told me. “But I’m not at war with my body anymore.”
That is resilience.
Practices that help build resilience
If resilience is about integration rather than toughness and bouncing back, how can you cultivate it? Research across psychology, neuroscience and chronic illness points to several evidence-based strategies:
- Allow emotional complexity: Resilient people are not relentlessly positive. They allow space for the full range of emotions, such as gratitude and grief, hope and fear. Paying attention to your feelings through strategies such as reflective writing or psychotherapy have been linked to improved psychological adaptation.
- Build a coherent narrative: Human beings are storytellers. Trauma can shatter one’s sense of self, but constructing a narrative that acknowledges loss while identifying continuity and growth supports adaptation. The goal is not to spin suffering into silver linings, but to situate it within a broader life story. For example, someone might say, “Cancer derailed my plans and changed my body, but it also clarified what matters to me and how I want to move forward.”
- Lean into connection: Isolation magnifies suffering. Social support is one of the strongest predictors of how well people are able to cope and move forward after illness or trauma. For Maria, connection with other women who had had mastectomies normalized her experience and reduced shame.
- Practice deliberate pauses: Intentionally give yourself some time to breathe. Mindfulness and contemplative solitude can strengthen your ability to regulate emotions and recover from stress. Pausing allows experience to be processed rather than avoided.
- Expand identity: Illness, loss and trauma reshape how you think of yourself. Rather than clinging to who you were, resilience often involves expanding who you are becoming. Research on post-traumatic growth shows that people often report deeper relationships, clarified priorities and renewed purpose – not because trauma was good, but because it forced reevaluation. Maria no longer describes herself simply as a breast cancer patient. She is a survivor, yes, but also an advocate, a mentor, a woman whose sense of femininity is self-defined rather than dictated by her anatomy.
Moving forward
We are living in a time of widespread burnout and rising mental health challenges, where cultural pressure to appear strong often leaves people silently struggling. An insistence on grit and relentless optimism can backfire, making people feel inadequate when they inevitably feel pain.
Resilience is not about returning to who you were before illness, loss or trauma. It is about becoming someone new: someone who carries the scar, remembers the loss and still chooses to engage with life.
Maria still pauses when she sees her reflection. But she no longer turns away.
“This is my body,” she told me recently. “This is my story.”
Resilience is not forged in the denial of vulnerability, but in its acceptance. Not in bouncing back, but in integrating what has happened into who you are becoming.
And that, I believe, is where real strength lives.
Keith M. Bellizzi, Professor of Human Development and Family Sciences, University of Connecticut
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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Food and Beverage
Jack-o’-Lantern Stuffed Peppers Prove Fun Isn’t Just for Pumpkins
These Jack-o’-Lantern Stuffed Peppers give you a Halloween-themed, kid-approved way to put vegetables on the dinner table.
Recipes:
Jack-o’-Lantern Stuffed Peppers
Jack-o’-Lantern Stuffed Peppers Prove Fun Isn’t Just for Pumpkins
(Feature Impact) Jack-o’-lantern carving is a cherished fall tradition – but pumpkins aren’t the only vegetables you can decorate with fun, spooky or scary faces. These Jack-o’-Lantern Stuffed Peppers give you a Halloween-themed, kid-approved way to put vegetables on the dinner table.
Filled with savory ground turkey, brown rice, melty cheese and warm, savory spices, these peppers taste as autumnal as they look. It’s simple to customize the filling to your family’s tastes, and you can even make the meal interactive by inviting kids to choose their own pepper colors and carve their own expressions.
Find more Halloween and seasonal recipes at Culinary.net.
Jack-o’-Lantern Stuffed Peppers
Recipe adapted from AllRecipes
Prep time: 15 minutes
Cook time: 45 minutes
Servings: 4
- 1 teaspoon olive oil
- 1 pound ground turkey
- 3 cloves garlic, minced
- 1/2 medium onion, diced
- 1 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1 teaspoon cumin
- 4 large orange bell peppers
- 1 cup cooked brown rice
- 1 cup grated sharp cheddar cheese
- 2 teaspoons kosher salt
- 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
- cayenne pepper, to taste
- cups seasoned tomato sauce, warmed
- Preheat oven to 400 F and coat 9-by-13-inch baking dish with olive oil.
- In skillet, brown ground turkey with minced garlic, onion, garlic powder and cumin until meat is cooked, 4-5 minutes.
- With small knife, cut eyes, nose and mouth into flattest side of each pepper to resemble jack-o’-lantern. Cut around seed pods and remove pepper tops, trimming and discarding any seeds from under stems then setting tops aside. Trim white membranes from inside each pepper and shake out seeds. Place peppers in prepared baking dish.
- In bowl, combine turkey mixture with cooked rice, cheddar cheese, salt, black pepper and cayenne pepper, to taste.
- Divide and stuff mixture into peppers; cover with reserved pepper tops.
- Wrap baking dish loosely with aluminum foil and bake until peppers are tender, about 45 minutes.
- Spoon about 3 tablespoons warm tomato sauce onto each plate; place stuffed peppers on top. Serve remaining sauce on side.
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock
SOURCE:
Lifestyle
How to Manage Symptoms of Heart Failure
Symptoms of Heart Failure: Managing heart failure is a significant expense to the U.S. healthcare system, costing the nation approximately $40 billion in 2020 and expected to increase to approximately $142 billion a year by 2050. If you (or a loved one) are living with the condition, consider these tips to help manage it.
How to Manage Symptoms of Heart Failure
(Feature Impact) Americans are facing a growing health challenge, with 1 in 4 adults at risk of heart failure, according to the Heart Failure Society of America. Additionally, approximately 6.7 million U.S. adults who are 20 years old or older are currently living with heart failure, and that number is projected to reach 8.7 million by 2030.
Managing heart failure is a significant expense to the U.S. healthcare system, costing the nation approximately $40 billion in 2020 and expected to increase to approximately $142 billion a year by 2050.
If you (or a loved one) are living with the condition, consider these tips to help manage it.
Adhere to the Treatment and Follow-Up Plan
Ongoing outpatient care is important when managing heart failure. Understand the treatment plan provided by your healthcare team, make diet and lifestyle changes, take medications as directed and keep recommended follow-up appointments.
Pay attention to changes in symptoms and communicate with your healthcare provider if treatment does not seem to be working as expected. If their conditions are left unmanaged, patients can experience a range of heart-failure-related symptoms such as shortness of breath, fatigue, buildup of fluid and more.
Understand Challenges with Diuretic Treatment
Diuretics help the body remove excess fluid and are commonly used to treat swelling, or edema, associated with heart failure. Your provider may try different diuretics, sometimes referred to as “water pills,” to manage your heart failure symptoms. However, intravenous (IV) diuretic therapy may be required for some patients if symptoms continue.
Ask About Treatment Options Before IV Care Is Needed
For some adults, a healthcare provider may consider recommending an at-home, non-oral diuretic option prior to escalating to IV therapy.
For example, ENBUMYST™ (bumetanide nasal spray) is a prescription diuretic used in adults to treat edema associated with congestive heart failure. It’s administered as a nasal spray for short-term use to manage excess fluid with the goal of transitioning to oral diuretic therapy when appropriate.
Talk with your healthcare provider to learn more and visit enbumyst.com. Read the full Prescribing Information and Patient Information.
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock
Important Safety Information
What is ENBUMYST?
ENBUMYST is a prescription medicine used in adults to treat swelling caused by excess fluid in the body (edema) from congestive heart failure, liver disease, and kidney disease.
What is the most important information I should know about ENBUMYST?
- ENBUMYST is a diuretic that helps your body remove fluid. Losing too much fluid can cause dehydration, low blood volume, and increase the risk of blood clots. Blood abnormalities may include decreased salts (electrolytes), and increased nitrogen, glucose and uric acid. The risk of these abnormalities is higher in elderly people, those using higher doses, or those who do not get enough electrolytes by mouth.
- You should not use ENBUMYST if you have severe electrolyte loss. Tell your healthcare provider if you experience unusual thirst; dizziness or lightheadedness; weakness or tiredness; fast heart rate; dry mouth or tongue; sudden pain; redness or swelling in your joints; pain, swelling, redness, or warmth in your leg; shortness of breath or fast breathing; high blood sugar; dark urine; pale, tight, cool or clammy skin; muscle cramps; confusion.
Do not use ENBUMYST if youhave low or no urine production or are allergic to bumetanide or to any of the ingredients in ENBUMYST.
Before using ENBUMYST, tell your healthcare provider if you have low electrolytes, are on a low-salt diet, have diarrhea, diabetes, nasal problems such as a runny or stuffy nose or polyps, a history of nasal injury or surgery, are or plan to become pregnant, are or plan to breastfeed.
Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take, including prescriptions, over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, and herbal supplements.
ENBUMYST may cause serious side effects, such as worsening kidney function and ringing in the ears or hearing loss.
The most common side effects of ENBUMYST include dehydration, headache, muscle cramps, dizziness, low blood pressure, nausea, and abnormal brain functioning with certain liver problems.
These are not all the possible side effects of ENBUMYST. Talk to your healthcare provider for more information.
Call your healthcare provider for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088.
US-ENBU-2600110
SOURCE:
Esperion
financial wellness
Investing in Education: 5 Ways to Prepare Students for the Jobs of Tomorrow
Jobs of Tomorrow: A diploma is still an important milestone, but what matters more than the piece of paper is whether graduates have the knowledge, skills and confidence to take meaningful next steps in pursuing further education or building careers. Students, families, educators, employers and policymakers all have a role to play in cultivating these opportunities.
Investing in Education: 5 Ways to Prepare Students for the Jobs of Tomorrow
(Feature Impact) The landscape of modern work is changing rapidly, leaving many uncertain about whether they’re adequately equipped to face the future. Even though America invests roughly $1 trillion in education every year, it’s difficult to know whether that investment is truly preparing young people for what comes next.
“Our education system isn’t evolving quickly enough to prepare our students for the jobs of tomorrow,” said Amit Sevak, CEO of ETS, a global education and talent solutions organization working with more than 30 million students a year to measure learning success and power human progress at every stage of life. “Students only get one chance at an education, and we have a responsibility to understand what’s working, what’s not and where additional support is needed.”
A diploma is still an important milestone, but what matters more than the piece of paper is whether graduates have the knowledge, skills and confidence to take meaningful next steps in pursuing further education or building careers. Students, families, educators, employers and policymakers all have a role to play in cultivating these opportunities.
Start the Conversation Early
Success isn’t a single path anymore, so young people may benefit from thinking outside the traditional pipeline of high school to college to a good job to retirement. By prompting early conversations, parents can help their children begin sorting through their options well in advance. Encourage dinner table talks about favorite school subjects, what kind of work seems interesting and alternative pathways to build careers. The goal isn’t necessarily to choose a life track immediately – just to start exploring ideas before the time arrives to lock in a decision.
Learn to Work with AI
In the age of AI, there’s a balance to be found between fully embracing or avoiding it. Parents and educators can encourage thoughtful, responsible use of the AI tools reshaping modern workplaces – without sanctioning them as a way to get out of doing homework. Students should think critically about both the uses and limitations of AI, learning how these systems work but still recognizing when human judgment matters.
Get Real-World Experience Before Graduation
Textbooks and classrooms can teach a lot, but some of the most valuable lessons come from the real world. Summer jobs, internships, volunteering, co-op programs, job shadowing or small-scale forays into entrepreneurship can help kids discover where their talents and passions fit. It’s also a chance to develop the soft skills that make great employees, like being punctual, working well with others and adapting to new situations.
Build Human Skills
There are certain abilities technology just can’t replace, making them vital pieces of future-proof training. Strong communication, teamwork mindsets, critical thinking skills, civic reasoning and empathy translate well to many careers. Rather than focusing strictly on academics, teachers can shift lesson plans to encourage growth in these areas. Specialized hands-on talents and trades are also more insulated from technological disruptions.
Measure Progress Beyond Grades
Grades and test scores don’t tell the whole story about career readiness, yet they’re often treated as the only metric that matters in educational success. Policymakers have the opportunity to change how schools measure student progress, including by trading the one-size-fits-all rubrics for more personalized assessments that demonstrate proficiency in more comprehensive ways. Education is on the ballot this election season, so ask your local and state elected leaders about whether today’s graduates are ready to face the future.
For information about a system that gives students, educators and employers clear evidence that learning is leading to opportunity, visit ETS.org.
Photos courtesy of Shutterstock
SOURCE:
ETS
