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Do Mom and Dad really know what’s best? A psychologist explains why kids see their parents as bossier than they are

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Nobody likes being told what to do, but a parent’s main job is to protect their kids. VioletaStoimenova/E+ via Getty Images

Annie Pezalla, Macalester College

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Curious Kids is a series for children of all ages. If you have a question you’d like an expert to answer, send it to curiouskidsus@theconversation.com.


Why do my parents always act like they know best? – Taliyah, age 12, Gwinnett, Georgia


Nobody likes getting bossed around, but your parents’ bossiness is probably well-intentioned.

As a psychologist who studies family relationships, I can tell you that a parent’s No. 1 job is to keep their kids safe. When a kid becomes a teenager, their world becomes more dangerous. Relationships with friends can become complicated and even toxic. Drugs and alcohol become more readily available and more tantalizing. Mental health can take a nosedive, and social media doesn’t help.

There are a bunch of reasons why these risks increase as you grow up, but peer pressure is mostly to blame.

To protect their teens from those dangers, parents have lots of strategies. They may discipline their kids – “You’re grounded!” – or challenge them to do better with phrases like, “When I was your age, I didn’t behave like that.” Or they might reprimand you: “I’m really disappointed in you.”

If your parents have ever acted like that with you, then it is likely about keeping you safe. Most parents understand the dangers you face. They may have experienced them personally and want you to avoid the same mistakes they made. If your parents’ guidance is keeping you from harm, I’d say that they really do know what’s best.

Your brain is still developing

OK, I got that out of the way. Are you still reading? I hope so, because this next part is more interesting and nuanced, and it’s about you and your brain.

Black and white image of a mom disciplining son.
The finger wag: Always in style. H. Armstrong Roberts/ClassicStock/Getty Images

Right now, your brain is undergoing remarkable growth. Starting around 10 years old, there’s a flurry of activity in what’s called the subcortical regions of your brain – a scientific term for the brain’s inner core. These parts of the brain are associated with emotions like anger, anxiety and defensiveness.

Are you feeling those emotions pretty regularly these days? If so, congratulations! You are 100% normal.

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As you get older, your brain’s outer regions will become more developed, too. The last bit to mature is right behind your forehead, in an area called the prefrontal cortex. That area is associated with the ability to understand how someone else feels, and to put yourself in their shoes.

Experts who study brain development call this skill “perspective-taking.” It means that when you’re reprimanded for breaking the rules – for example, by staying out late – you don’t lash out defensively. Instead, you acknowledge that the person doing the reprimanding is worried or scared, or simply looking out for you.

Seeing life from another perspective

For adults, this perspective-taking can be really hard. For teens, I’m sorry to say, it’s even harder. That’s because your prefrontal cortex simply hasn’t finished developing yet; it won’t be fully functional until about age 25.

Your teenage brain currently allows you to do many incredible things, but you are biologically inclined to see life from your own perspective and struggle to understand why other people act the way they do.

In other words, your perceptions of your parents as bossy are based on the abilities of your yet-to-be fully developed brain. Meanwhile, what is fully developed is the part of your brain associated with those big emotions. That’s a tough combination.

A final note: You might think that your parents “always act like they know what’s best,” but, in my parenting research, it’s clear that they’re often unsure how to handle certain situations. Over 40% of the parents in my last study shared self-critical thoughts about how they’re doing as a parent. In other words, they’re struggling, too.

If you can, give your parents a break – and maybe even a hug.

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Hello, curious kids! Do you have a question you’d like an expert to answer? Ask an adult to send your question to CuriousKidsUS@theconversation.com. Please tell us your name, age and the city where you live.

And since curiosity has no age limit – adults, let us know what you’re wondering, too. We won’t be able to answer every question, but we will do our best.

Annie Pezalla, Visiting Assistant Professor of Psychology, Macalester College

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Our Lifestyle section on STM Daily News is a hub of inspiration and practical information, offering a range of articles that touch on various aspects of daily life. From tips on family finances to guides for maintaining health and wellness, we strive to empower our readers with knowledge and resources to enhance their lifestyles. Whether you’re seeking outdoor activity ideas, fashion trends, or travel recommendations, our lifestyle section has got you covered. Visit us today at https://stmdailynews.com/category/lifestyle/ and embark on a journey of discovery and self-improvement.

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Living with a Bleeding Disorder

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(Family Features) Many people don’t think much about whether their blood is clotting properly. However, when you have a bleeding disorder, a condition that affects the way your body controls clots, it’s no small matter.

According to the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute (NHLBI), part of the National Institutes of Health, abnormal clotting can lead to a host of problems, including excessive bleeding after an injury or during surgery.

About 3 million people in the U.S. have bleeding disorders. Some types, such as hemophilia, are inherited, meaning a person who has it is born with it. Inherited bleeding disorders are caused by certain genes passed down from parents to children. These genes contain instructions for how to make proteins in the blood called clotting factors, which help blood clot. If there is a problem with one of these genes, such as a mutation – a change in the gene’s instructions – the body may make a clotting factor incorrectly or not make it at all.

You can also have what’s called an acquired bleeding disorder, meaning you develop it during your lifetime. Acquired bleeding disorders can be caused by medical conditions, medicines or something unknown. Your risk of developing a bleeding disorder depends on your age, family history, genes, sex, or other medical conditions. If bleeding disorders run in your family, you may have a higher risk of developing or inheriting one.

Symptoms of a bleeding disorder may appear soon after birth or develop later in life and can include:

  • Excessive bleeding or bruising, such as frequent or long nose bleeds (longer than 15 minutes) or frequent or long menstrual periods
  • Petechiae, which are tiny purple, red, or brown spots caused by bleeding under the skin
  • Redness, swelling, stiffness, or pain from bleeding into muscles or joints
  • Blood in urine or stool
  • Excessive umbilical stump bleeding
  • Excessive bleeding during surgery or after trauma

If you believe you, or someone you care for, may have a bleeding disorder, talk to a health care provider. Your provider may make a diagnosis based on symptoms, risk factors, family history, a physical exam, and diagnostic tests. Health care providers typically screen for bleeding disorders only if you have known risk factors or before certain surgeries.

How your bleeding disorder is treated depends on its type. If your disorder causes few or no symptoms, you may not need treatment. If you have symptoms, you may need daily treatment to prevent bleeding episodes, or you may need it only on certain occasions, such as when you have an accident or before a planned surgery.

If you have been diagnosed with a bleeding disorder, it’s important to be proactive about your health and follow your treatment plan. To lower your risk of complications:

  • Receive follow-up care
  • Monitor your condition
  • Adopt healthy lifestyle changes

To learn more about bleeding disorders, visit nhlbi.nih.gov/health/bleeding-disorders.

A Story of Bravery, Balance, and a Bleeding Disorder

There are lots of things that make Mikey White Jr. special. He’s a dedicated athlete. He’s determined, disciplined, and optimistic. He’s also living with hemophilia, a type of bleeding disorder.

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White was diagnosed with hemophilia at age 3 after experiencing several severe bleeding episodes. He had to give up baseball and basketball, his passions, because of the high risk of injuries, but he found competitive swimming – and he’s been breaking records ever since.

“Competitive swimming is a noncontact sport, so it complements my hemophilia while still being an intense and rigorous sport,” White said.

Being an athlete with hemophilia requires support, White admits. He works with his healthcare team and coaching staff to make sure he safely manages his condition and balances it with his training. He hopes his story encourages others living with bleeding disorders to accept and appreciate their bodies the way they are.

“It doesn’t have to be a limitation,” White said.

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

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SOURCE:
National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute

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5 Things Funeral Directors Wish Everyone Knew

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Funeral directors (Family Features) Most people don’t want to think about death – let alone talk about it. When the time comes, families often find themselves overwhelmed, not only by grief but by the many decisions that need to be made quickly. Funeral directors witness this every day. They see the stress and confusion that can come when there is no plan in place and the peace of mind that comes with thoughtful preparation. After consulting funeral directors nationwide, the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) uncovered five things they wish families knew before a death occurs.
  1. It’s Never Too Early to Start Planning

While everyone knows death and taxes are inevitable, conversations about death are often avoided.

Simply documenting your wishes and discussing your preferences with your family can alleviate the difficult decisions your loved ones will have to make in the future. Speak with a funeral director to explore the many options for planning a meaningful funeral.

  1. Legal and Financial Details Can Cause Unexpected Issues

Families often don’t realize power of attorney ends at death, meaning a designated person can no longer make decisions or access bank accounts once an individual dies.

To avoid complications, consider adding a trusted loved one to your bank account and ensure life insurance beneficiaries are up to date. Too often, deceased individuals leave minor children, deceased spouses or former partners as beneficiaries, leading to legal and financial challenges.

  1. Final Wishes Shouldn’t Be In Your Will

Many people believe the best place to document their final wishes is in their will. However, wills are often not read until after funeral services take place, making them an unreliable way to communicate last requests. Instead, discuss and document your wishes with family members or a trusted funeral professional who can keep your wishes on file until there is a need.

  1. There Are a Variety of Memorialization Options

End-of-life planning offers more choices than many realize. While burial remains a common preference, cremation is an increasingly popular choice and can even include a viewing and funeral service. Additionally, eco-friendly options, such as alkaline hydrolysis, natural burial and natural organic reduction are becoming more widely available for those seeking green memorialization. In fact, according to NFDA’s 2024 Consumer Awareness and Preferences Study, 68% of respondents expressed interest in green funeral options.

Exploring these possibilities with a funeral professional can help ensure your final arrangements reflect your values, traditions and personal wishes.

  1. Funeral Directors Don’t Just Manage Funerals – They’re Trusted Guides In Honoring Life

Funeral directors play a vital role in helping families create meaningful services that reflect their loved one’s life, values and traditions. Whether planning ahead or facing a recent loss, funeral professionals provide expertise, compassionate care and personalized guidance during one of life’s most difficult moments.

Choosing the right funeral director is an important decision and finding someone who understands your needs can make all the difference in honoring your loved one in a personal and meaningful way. Start the conversation today by talking about end-of-life planning. It isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most important conversations you can have with your loved ones. A little planning today can make a world of difference tomorrow. Use comprehensive resources like RememberingALife.com, which is designed to guide families through every stage of the journey, including planning, funeral options and grief resources. The site offers valuable tools and support, such as the “Find a Funeral Home” tool to connect families with compassionate, local funeral directors and much more.   Photo courtesy of Shutterstock collect?v=1&tid=UA 482330 7&cid=1955551e 1975 5e52 0cdb 8516071094cd&sc=start&t=pageview&dl=http%3A%2F%2Ftrack.familyfeatures SOURCE: National Funeral Directors Association


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Bird flu could be on the cusp of transmitting between humans − but there are ways to slow down viral evolution

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Workers who are in frequent contact with potentially sick animals are at high risk of bird flu infection. Costfoto/NurPhoto via Getty Images
Ron Barrett, Macalester College Disease forecasts are like weather forecasts: We cannot predict the finer details of a particular outbreak or a particular storm, but we can often identify when these threats are emerging and prepare accordingly. The viruses that cause avian influenza are potential threats to global health. Recent animal outbreaks from a subtype called H5N1 have been especially troubling to scientists. Although human infections from H5N1 have been relatively rare, there have been a little more than 900 known cases globally since 2003 – nearly 50% of these cases have been fatal – a mortality rate about 20 times higher than that of the 1918 flu pandemic. If the worst of these rare infections ever became common among people, the results could be devastating. Approaching potential disease threats from an anthropological perspective, my colleagues and I recently published a book called “Emerging Infections: Three Epidemiological Transitions from Prehistory to the Present” to examine the ways human behaviors have shaped the evolution of infectious diseases, beginning with their first major emergence in the Neolithic period and continuing for 10,000 years to the present day. Viewed from this deep time perspective, it becomes evident that H5N1 is displaying a common pattern of stepwise invasion from animal to human populations. Like many emerging viruses, H5N1 is making incremental evolutionary changes that could allow it to transmit between people. The periods between these evolutionary steps present opportunities to slow this process and possibly avert a global disaster.

Spillover and viral chatter

When a disease-causing pathogen such as a flu virus is already adapted to infect a particular animal species, it may eventually evolve the ability to infect a new species, such as humans, through a process called spillover. Spillover is a tricky enterprise. To be successful, the pathogen must have the right set of molecular “keys” compatible with the host’s molecular “locks” so it can break in and out of host cells and hijack their replication machinery. Because these locks often vary between species, the pathogen may have to try many different keys before it can infect an entirely new host species. For instance, the keys a virus successfully uses to infect chickens and ducks may not work on cattle and humans. And because new keys can be made only through random mutation, the odds of obtaining all the right ones are very slim. Given these evolutionary challenges, it is not surprising that pathogens often get stuck partway into the spillover process. A new variant of the pathogen might be transmissible from an animal only to a person who is either more susceptible due to preexisting illness or more likely to be infected because of extended exposure to the pathogen. Even then, the pathogen might not be able to break out of its human host and transmit to another person. This is the current situation with H5N1. For the past year, there have been many animal outbreaks in a variety of wild and domestic animals, especially among birds and cattle. But there have also been a small number of human cases, most of which have occurred among poultry and dairy workers who worked closely with large numbers of infected animals.
Diagram depicting three stages, the first of bird to bird, the second bird to human and duck, and the third duck to duck and human to human
Pathogen transmission can be modeled in three stages. In Stage 1, the pathogen can be transmitted only between nonhuman animals. In stage 2, the pathogen can also be transmitted to humans, but it is not yet adapted for human-to-human transmission. In Stage 3, the pathogen is fully capable of human-to-human transmission. Ron Barrett, CC BY-SA
Epidemiologists call this situation viral chatter: when human infections occur only in small, sporadic outbreaks that appear like the chattering signals of coded radio communications – tiny bursts of unclear information that may add up to a very ominous message. In the case of viral chatter, the message would be a human pandemic. Sporadic, individual cases of H5N1 among people suggest that human-to-human transmission may likely occur at some point. But even so, no one knows how long or how many steps it would take for this to happen. Influenza viruses evolve rapidly. This is partly because two or more flu varieties can infect the same host simultaneously, allowing them to reshuffle their genetic material with one another to produce entirely new varieties.
Diagram showing a virus with genetic strands derived from two other viruses
Genetic reshuffling – aka antigenic shift – between a highly pathogenic strain of avian influenza and a strain of human influenza could create a new strain that’s even more infectious among people. Eunsun Yoo/Biomolecules & Therapeutics, CC BY-NC
These reshuffling events are more likely to occur when there is a diverse range of host species. So it is particularly concerning that H5N1 is known to have infected at least 450 different animal species. It may not be long before the viral chatter gives way to larger human epidemics.

Reshaping the trajectory

The good news is that people can take basic measures to slow down the evolution of H5N1 and potentially reduce the lethality of avian influenza should it ever become a common human infection. But governments and businesses will need to act. People can start by taking better care of food animals. The total weight of the world’s poultry is greater than all wild bird species combined. So it is not surprising that the geography of most H5N1 outbreaks track more closely with large-scale housing and international transfers of live poultry than with the nesting and migration patterns of wild aquatic birds. Reducing these agricultural practices could help curb the evolution and spread of H5N1.
Back of truck filled with chickens in stacked cages
Large-scale commercial transport of domesticated animals is associated with the evolution and spread of new influenza varieties. ben/Flickr, CC BY-SA
People can also take better care of themselves. At the individual level, most people can vaccinate against the common, seasonal influenza viruses that circulate every year. At first glance this practice may not seem connected to the emergence of avian influenza. But in addition to preventing seasonal illness, vaccination against common human varieties of the virus will reduce the odds of it mixing with avian varieties and giving them the traits they need for human-to-human transmission. At the population level, societies can work together to improve nutrition and sanitation in the world’s poorest populations. History has shown that better nutrition increases overall resistance to new infections, and better sanitation reduces how much and how often people are exposed to new pathogens. And in today’s interconnected world, the disease problems of any society will eventually spread to every society. For more than 10,000 years, human behaviors have shaped the evolutionary trajectories of infectious diseases. Knowing this, people can reshape these trajectories for the better.The Conversation Ron Barrett, Professor of Anthropology, Macalester College This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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