Lifestyle
Self-forgiveness is more than self-comfort − a philosopher explains
Self-forgiveness requires confronting negative emotions, acknowledging wrongdoing, and is essential for moral growth and healthier relationships.
Last Updated on October 7, 2024 by Daily News Staff
Mordechai Gordon, Quinnipiac University
As the Jewish High Holidays approach, which begin with Rosh Hashanah and continue with Yom Kippur, the theme of forgiveness keeps coming to my mind.
The 10 days from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur are referred to in the Jewish tradition as the days of repentance, or the days of awe. During this period, Jews who observe the holidays implore God to respond to their sins with mercy, while also requesting forgiveness from anyone those individuals may have wronged in the past year.
Most conversations about forgiveness focus on the meaning and value of forgiving others. Douglas Stewart, a philosopher of education who has researched forgiveness extensively, writes that to forgive implies a willingness to let go of our negative emotions or hard feelings and to adopt in their place a more generous and compassionate attitude toward our wrongdoers.
Other philosophers have pointed out that the benefits of forgiveness include overcoming resentment, restoring relationships and setting a wrong to rest in the past – without vengeance. As such, to forgive should be considered morally valuable and admirable.
But what about self-forgiveness? Is it morally valuable, or just something we do to make ourselves feel better? And what is self-forgiveness, anyway?
As a philosopher of education, some of my own research has wrestled with these questions.
Defining self-forgiveness
Self-forgiveness means managing to work through painful feelings such as guilt, shame and deep disappointment with ourselves. It entails transforming negative attitudes, such as contempt, anger and shame, into more positive emotions such as respect and humility.
It is important to recognize, however, that a wrongdoer cannot simply reject shame: They must confront it. Moral philosophers such as Byron Williston assert that people who have deeply wronged others, such as betraying a loved one, need to experience shame and take responsibility for their actions – such as asking for forgiveness. Otherwise, an attempt at self-forgiveness is not likely to be meaningful.
Finally, we need to keep in mind that self-forgiveness does not imply someone has extinguished all the negative feelings directed at themselves or is done with self-reproach. This would amount to an impossible goal.
Rather, as philosopher Robin Dillon pointed out, self-forgiveness suggests that someone is no longer being consumed or overwhelmed by those negative feelings. In short, it is possible to forgive ourselves and still view ourselves with a demanding and critical eye.
Moral development
Getting there, though, is not easy. Self-forgiveness entails working through a rigorous process of coming to terms with wrongdoing.
According to ethicist Margaret Holmgren, that process includes at least four steps: acknowledging that what we did was wrong; coming to terms with why it was wrong; allowing ourselves to experience grief and self-resentment at having injured another person; and, finally, making a genuine effort to correct the attitudes that led to the harmful act and making amends to the victim.
In other words, confronting negative emotions, attitudes and patterns is essential prior to attempting to restore relationships with others. Only once we are able to relax the preoccupation with guilt and shame, and to genuinely forgive ourselves, can we meaningfully contribute to relationships as liberated and equal partners – especially in ongoing ones, such as with family and friends.
Of course, there are cases in which the offense is so vast, such as genocide, that no individual can make full restitution or provide an adequate apology for the wrong.
There are other times when an apology is impossible. Perhaps victims are dead; perhaps a direct apology would retraumatize them or do more harm than good.
In those cases, I would argue, an offender can still attempt to work toward self-forgiveness – acknowledging not only the victim’s intrinsic worth but their own, regardless of their ability to make amends. This in itself is moral growth: appreciating that neither is a mere object that can be manipulated or abused.
The take-home point, I would argue, is that going through the process of self-forgiveness is morally beneficial. It can not only liberate people who tend to reproach themselves incessantly, but it can enhance their ability to relate ethically toward others – to acknowledge wrongdoing, while simultaneously affirming their own value.
Most people have experienced at least one situation in which they inflicted pain on someone else and recognized that their words or actions caused harm. In such situations, we also often feel ashamed of ourselves and attempt to apologize or make amends.
Yet I hope that during this High Holiday season we keep in mind that self-forgiveness should also be considered essential. If moral development means a process in which our self-awareness and character mature, then acknowledging wrongdoing and experiencing shame, followed by self-forgiveness, are indispensable for that process.
Mordechai Gordon, Professor of Education, Quinnipiac University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
Our Lifestyle section on STM Daily News is a hub of inspiration and practical information, offering a range of articles that touch on various aspects of daily life. From tips on family finances to guides for maintaining health and wellness, we strive to empower our readers with knowledge and resources to enhance their lifestyles. Whether you’re seeking outdoor activity ideas, fashion trends, or travel recommendations, our lifestyle section has got you covered. Visit us today at https://stmdailynews.com/category/lifestyle/ and embark on a journey of discovery and self-improvement.
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health and wellness
Study Links Agent Orange Exposure to Higher Risk of Rare Melanoma
A study revealed that U.S. veterans exposed to Agent Orange are at increased risk of developing acral melanoma, a rare skin cancer located in areas not typically exposed to sunlight. With higher odds of diagnosis and poorer prognosis, early detection in veterans is vital for effective treatment and improved outcomes.
(Feature Impact) A new study found U.S. veterans exposed to Agent Orange face a higher risk of developing a rare and often overlooked form of melanoma that appears on the hands and feet, and under the nails.
Researchers reported in “JAMA Dermatology” that veterans with documented exposure to the herbicide had significantly higher odds of developing acral melanoma, a subtype of skin cancer that forms on the palms, soles and nail beds.
Unlike most melanomas, which are associated with ultraviolet radiation, acral melanoma develops in areas not typically exposed to the sun. It can resemble a bruise under a toenail or a dark patch on the bottom of a foot – locations that are easily missed and not commonly associated with skin cancer.
Because of its unusual appearance and location, acral melanoma is often diagnosed at later stages, when treatment is more difficult and survival rates are lower.
The researchers analyzed 20 years of Veterans Health Administration data, comparing more than 1,200 veterans diagnosed with acral melanoma with more than 5,000 veterans without melanoma. Veterans exposed to Agent Orange had about 30% higher odds of developing the disease.
The findings suggest Agent Orange may be an underrecognized risk factor for acral melanoma, particularly for veterans who may not view themselves as at risk for skin cancer because of limited sun exposure or darker skin tones.
“Identifying exposures that may increase risk can help inform earlier recognition and, ultimately, earlier diagnosis when treatment is most effective,” said Marc Hurlbert, chief executive officer of the Melanoma Research Alliance and a principal investigator on the study.
Senior author Dr. Rebecca I. Hartman of Brigham and Women’s Hospital said acral melanoma behaves differently from other melanomas and often responds less well to current therapies.
“Acral melanoma has a poorer prognosis than the more common cutaneous melanoma because it is often diagnosed at later stages,” Hartman said. “Identifying risk factors is critical to improving detection and outcomes.”
Agent Orange was used extensively during the Vietnam War and exposure has been linked to several cancers and chronic illnesses. These findings add to evidence the herbicide may also affect the skin in ways not reflected in traditional melanoma awareness efforts.
Acral melanoma has also been associated with sex, race and ethnicity, and prior skin lesions. Researchers said the study supports treating the disease as distinct from sun-driven melanomas that dominate public education campaigns.
For veterans, the research highlights the importance of examining less visible areas of the body, including the bottoms of the feet, between the toes and under the nails. Changes in nail color, dark streaks or unexplained spots on the palms or soles should be evaluated by a health care provider, especially for those with known Agent Orange exposure.
Researchers said the findings could help guide future screening strategies for higher-risk populations and encourage further study of why acral melanoma differs biologically from other skin cancers.
Find more information at curemelanoma.org.
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock
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Our Lifestyle section on STM Daily News is a hub of inspiration and practical information, offering a range of articles that touch on various aspects of daily life. From tips on family finances to guides for maintaining health and wellness, we strive to empower our readers with knowledge and resources to enhance their lifestyles. Whether you’re seeking outdoor activity ideas, fashion trends, or travel recommendations, our lifestyle section has got you covered. Visit us today at https://stmdailynews.com/category/lifestyle/ and embark on a journey of discovery and self-improvement.
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Progress, Not Perfection: How Healthy Habits Can Stack Up One Step at a Time
The article emphasizes that achieving better health relies on progress, not perfection. It advocates for realistic goals and highlights tools like My Life Check for personalized health assessments. Small, manageable changes in diet, exercise, sleep, and stress management can significantly impact overall well-being, making healthy habits more attainable and sustainable.
Progress, Not Perfection: How Healthy Habits Can Stack Up One Step at a Time
(Feature Impact) Despite the best of intentions, it’s common for plans to build healthier habits to fall flat. Often, the culprit isn’t a lack of motivation or discipline; rather, it’s unrealistic expectations.
Overhauling your lifestyle requires a level of commitment that isn’t always practical. Understanding your personal health needs and the challenges you need to overcome can help give you a more realistic roadmap toward better health.
Tools to Guide You
Every plan needs a starting point and there are many reputable sources that can help guide you toward a plan that addresses your personal health needs.
For example, the American Heart Association introduced My Life Check, a simple, free tool to help individuals understand their heart health and what’s driving it. Users answer simple questions about their daily habits and health factors to get a personalized Heart Health Score in minutes.
The results are private and downloadable, giving you full control of your information. The tool turns big goals into small, specific actions you can start right away. Knowing your numbers relative to your heart health (and where you are in comparison to target ranges for optimal health) can help you decide how to build a better map to get you where you want to be.
While the report is customized to each individual, no personal data is stored and answers are only used to calculate health scores and provide personalized recommendations and practical steps to improve your health, so you can use your results to focus on what matters most to you. Every small step you take, such as moving more, eating smarter, sleeping better or managing stress, can add up over time.
Finding Your Path
Once you’re armed with data and know where you stand on your heart health numbers, small steps become clearer and more manageable. That knowledge makes it easier to choose one area to focus on, such as getting more sleep, taking daily walks or adding more color to your meals.
Healthy changes don’t need to be expensive or complicated. The best habits are ones that fit real life when every action you take moves you closer to your goals.
Staying motivated and on track is also easier when you can check back in, see your progress and realize the steps you’re taking are making an impact. Checking in every few months to see how you can grow gives you the chance to celebrate your progress, learn from challenges and keep building lasting habits that feel good.
To get started with personalized tips to set your own health goals, visit heart.org/mylifecheck.
Healthy Habits for Everyday Life
Eat Smart
Choose foods that help you feel your best, one meal at a time. Add more color to your plate and focus on balance, not restriction. Simple, affordable swaps can make a real difference.
Smart Tip: Aim for an overall healthy eating pattern that includes whole foods, fruits and vegetables, lean protein, nuts, seeds and cooking in non-tropical oils such as olive and canola.
Move More
Find movement that fits your life, such as a walk, a stretch or dancing while you cook. Every bit of activity counts and it all supports your heart and mind. Move for joy, not just for results.
Smart Tip:Adults should get 150 minutes of moderate physical activity (or 75 minutes of vigorous activity) per week. Kids should aim for 60 minutes every day, including play and structured activities.
Sleep Well
Rest is a foundation of good health, not a reward. Protect your bedtime routine and give your body the recovery it deserves. Notice how good sleep makes everything else easier.
Smart Tip: Most adults need 7-9 hours of sleep each night. Children require more. Adequate sleep promotes healing, improves brain function and reduces the risk for chronic diseases.
Manage Stress
Check in with yourself regularly, both mentally and emotionally. Create simple moments to pause, breathe, laugh or step outside. Connection, kindness and calm all support a healthy heart.
Smart Tip:The first step to stress management is awareness. Step “away from yourself” for a moment. Objectively ask yourself, “Is my stress level too high?” If so, look at what might be causing that stress.
Ideas for Incremental Changes
- Dedicate 15 minutes at the beginning or end of the day to focus on self-care, whether it’s unwinding with some music, writing down your goals or reflecting on the highlights of the day.
- Aim to add an extra serving of fruits or veggies each day, such as creating a savory veggie omelet or exploring new smoothie blends that let you pack in the produce on the go.
- Give your cabinets a quick update and put the smaller plates front and center. When you use a smaller plate, you can fill it while still sticking to recommended serving sizes.
- If you’re not a fan of the gym, think about how your hobbies can play a role in your physical activity. Even gardening counts as physical activity, so get creative to get moving with an activity you truly enjoy.
- Establish a bedtime routine that allows you to ease into sleep more easily. Once you feel the impact of better-quality rest, you may find yourself more motivated to make a regular bedtime a priority.
Photos courtesy of Shutterstock
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Last Updated on February 15, 2026 by Daily News Staff
ENCINITAS, CALIFORNIA, USA /EINPresswire.com/ — California’s gem, the surfside city of Encinitas and The Encinitas Visitors Center are announcing Memorial Day activities for 2022. The beachside oasis takes the beach seriously, and with six miles of Pacific Ocean coastline to its name, the small community is a beautiful reminder of the historic Highway 101 beach culture that has thrived since the mid-1900s. It’s no surprise that the City of Encinitas was named as one of the best surf towns in the world. Here are top 5 activities for visitors to enjoy.
1. Go to the beach! Some of the best beaches in Encinitas include legendary surfing hotspots like Beacon’s, Grandview, Stone Steps, Moonlight State Beach, and Swami’s. These beaches are also some of the best in the country for sunbathing, relaxing, or spending a beach day with the family.
2. Take surf lessons! Live the life of a San Diegan for a day and enjoy the popular sport of surfing! There are many to choose from, including Encinitas Surf Lessons https://www.encinitassurflessons.com/ Pacific Surf https://www.pacificsurf.com/surfing-lessons-encinitas/ and Aqua Surf https://www.aquasurf.com/encinitas that offer group lessons, quality equipment, good surf and exciting lessons from a lifelong surfer.
3. Have a beach bonfire and BBQ! Moonlight Beach is one of the few area beaches that has picnic tables, bonfires, a playground, volleyball, lifeguard towers, easy parking and no stair access that creates a perfect family-oriented trip to the beach. A recent 6 million dollar renovation presents clean bathrooms, an additional 10,000 square feet of sandy area, and a new concession stand.
4. Tour the Encinitas Historical Society! Visitors to the Encinitas Historical Society are in for a treat, as the organization is located in an 1883-era one-room schoolhouse built for the eight children that lived in the town at that time. Discover the history of this unique city through photographs, exhibits, research papers, and docents eager to share their story.
5. Eat, drink and shop by the beach! The quaint downtown Encinitas shopping district is more than 100 years old. Today, the historic corridor along Highway 101 is home to sidewalk cafes, cute boutiques and shops, great restaurants and breweries. A few local favorites include Le Papagayo, Vigilucci’s Trattoria Italiana, Solterra Winery and Kitchen and the Potato Shack Café.
And don’t forget, on Memorial Day, to be part of the National Moment of Remembrance by pausing for a moment of silence at 3 pm local time. Take one minute to remember those who have died serving our country so that we are able to enjoy our freedom.
For more information about Encinitas and all it has to offer year-round, go to https://www.encinitasvisitorscenter.com/
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