How to reduce gift-giving stress with your kids – a child psychologist’s tips for making magic and avoiding tears

Angela J. Narayan, University of Denver As a child, I loved being the center of attention. So it was a problem when my baby brother was born a day before my birthday. For years, I would beg my parents for a birthday gift “one day early.” My laid-back brother remembers thinking, “I don’t care about presents. Just give her mine!” As an associate professor and child psychologist at the University of Denver who studies child development and parenting, I’ve come to learn about these types of challenges associated with gift giving. The holidays, while a magical time, can also be stressful. Society places an expectation on parents to buy gifts, regardless of their financial circumstances, and children themselves often feel a variety of complex emotions. How children react to getting presents is partially linked to temperament, which is the variety of ways that children experience, perceive and interact with the world. Temperament is the precursor to personality – some people are introverts, while others are extroverts. Temperament is partially heritable. That means an introverted parent who feels social pressure to buy many gifts for their shy and easily overwhelmed child may be inadvertently causing stress. Faced with this holiday conundrum, I’m often asked questions like “Is there a magic number of gifts to give my kids?” or “What gifts will hold my child’s attention the longest?” While there isn’t an easy answer to either question, these tips and tricks can help parents be more thoughtful and intentional about gift giving, especially for children who are young.

The age rule

Young children cannot focus on a lot of things at once. A good rule of thumb is that a 1-year-old can focus only on one thing at a time. A 2-year-old can maybe focus on two things at most, and a 3-year-old maybe three things, and so on. Stop at five. Very few children actually need more than five gifts, so feel free to go lower.

The attention rule

I have often searched for the magical gift that will keep my children occupied for hours, and so far I haven’t found it. What I have found is that my children – ages 5 and 7 – get excited about the things that I get excited about. So I try to buy things that I think are fun. Ask yourself what you would like to play with if you got to be a child again. I bet your children would be eager to join you in those things.

The games rule

Card and board games are great gifts, often inexpensive, fun for many ages – excepting babies, of course – and capable of holding attention for a long time. Plus, they usually don’t take up much storage space. I love giving my kids games that are not only fun but also teach them helpful skills. Collaborative games for preschoolers and early school-age children like the Fairy Game and Outfoxed teach problem-solving, teamwork and early reasoning skills. Games for elementary-age children, such as Sorry and Battleship, teach kids how to manage difficult situations, like not always being in the lead, being a good sport even if you’re behind, and losing gracefully. Timeless card games like Uno and Memory, and newer ones like Sleeping Queens and Exploding Kittens, are great for using working memory, thinking flexibly, persisting and strategizing. Most importantly, playing games together supports positive family time, which is an excellent antidote to stress, bad moods or boredom.

The pressure rule

Imagine the holiday experience through the eyes of each of your children. Some children relish receiving gifts, like I did. Others, however, may feel self-conscious, overwhelmed by the sensory overload – all the textures, commotion and bright colors, not to mention people staring at them. The elements of surprise combined with the unspoken social pressure to be gracious and well regulated are challenging for any young child. We expect small children to contain their excitement, delay gratification and react positively to the surprise. And then come up with a polite response. These are all complex requests, rarely directly or explicitly taught. It’s no wonder that many children show negative emotions, have tantrums, or even just say, “I’m tired!” during holiday celebrations. That’s why beyond the precise nature of “the perfect gift,” we shouldn’t lose sight of what we should be doing. And that is investing in togetherness and helping kids learn skills like being patient and taking turns, strengthening memory capacities, planning ahead, not giving up, and that being a team player will pay off later. These skills pave the way for longer sustained attention, focus and concentration, as well as confidence. My 7-year-old is becoming a skillful chess player because we have taught him the rules and strategy and helped him practice. Maybe this is the real magical gift – not the purchase itself, but the decision to invest in time with your child early. Angela J. Narayan, Associate Professor, Clinical Child Psychology Ph.D. program, University of Denver This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Kobi V. Ajayi, Texas A&M University Seven years ago, at 30 weeks into a seemingly low-risk pregnancy, I unexpectedly began to bleed. Doctors diagnosed me with complete placenta previa. Then, while on bed rest at 32 weeks, my placenta suddenly ruptured, leading to an immediate emergency cesarean section. I became one of about 10% of women giving birth in Nigeria to experience a preterm birth, which means before 37 weeks of pregnancy. Now, as a maternal and child health researcher in the U.S., I’m struck by the stubbornly high preterm birth rate here. According to the most recent March of Dimes Report Card on maternal and infant health, released on Nov. 17, 2025, 10.4% of babies in the U.S. were born prematurely in 2024. Preterm birth is the second-leading cause of infant deaths in the U.S., contributing to over 20,000 infant deaths each year. Some who survive are at increased risk of immediate and long-term health problems, with substantial emotional and financial tolls. That rate has not budged for three years, according to the report – and it is consistently higher than in many other countries, particularly those in the Global North. That’s also true for other crucial aspects of maternal and infant health, such as cardiovascular diseases and mental health needs. One key factor underlying the problem of preterm birth in the U.S. is extensive disparities in health care access for expectant mothers. In Texas, where I conduct my research and where I managed the state’s maternal mortality and morbidity review committee in 2023 and 2024, this issue plays out very clearly.

Revealing disparities that drive preterm birth rates

The March of Dimes report scored the U.S. overall a D+ grade on preterm birth rate at 10.4%, but states differ dramatically in their scores. New Hampshire, for example, scored an A- with 7.9% of infants born prematurely, while Mississippi, where 15% of infants are born prematurely, scored an F. Texas’ rates aren’t the worst in the country, but it scores notably worse than the national rate of 10.4%, with 11.1% of babies – 43,344 in total – born prematurely in 2024. And Texas has an especially large effect on the low national score because 10 of the 46 cities that receive a D or F grade – defined in the report as a rate higher than the national rate of 10.4% – are located there. In 2023, Texas had the highest number of such cities in the U.S. That may be in part because access to maternal care in Texas is so limited. Close to half of all counties across the state completely lack access to maternity care providers and birthing facilities, compared with one-third of counties across the U.S. Moreover, more counties in Texas are designated as health professional shortage areas, meaning they lack enough doctors for the number of people living in these areas. Shortages exist in 257 areas in Texas for primary care doctors, 149 for dentists and 251 for mental health providers. But even against the backdrop of geographic differences in health care access, the starkest contribution to the state’s preterm birth rates comes from ethnic and racial disparities. Mothers of non-Hispanic Black (14.7%), American Indian/Alaskan Native (12.5%), Pacific Islander (12.3%) and Hispanic (10.1%) descent have babies prematurely much more often than do mothers who are non-Hispanic white (9.5%) or Asian (9.1%). These numbers reflect the broader landscape of maternal health in the U.S. Although nationwide maternal mortality rates decreased from 22.3 to 18.6 deaths per 100,000 live births from 2022 to 2023, Black women died during pregnancy or within one year after childbirth at almost three times the rate (50.3%) of white (14.5%), Hispanic (12.4%) and Asian (10.7%) women.

Preterm birth in context

Having a baby early is not the normal or expected outcome during pregnancy. It occurs due to complex genetic and environmental factors, which are exacerbated by inadequate prenatal care. According to the World Health Organization, women should have eight or more doctor visits during their pregnancy. Without adequate and quality prenatal care, the chances of reversing the preterm birth trends are slim. Yet in Texas, unequal access to prenatal care remains a huge cause for concern. As the March of Dimes report documents, women of color in Texas receive adequate prenatal care at vastly lower rates than do white women – a fact that holds true in several other states as well. In addition, Texas has the highest uninsured rate in the nation, with 17% of women uninsured for health coverage, compared with a national average of 8%. Nationwide, public health experts, community advocates and families are calling for comprehensive health insurance to help cover the costs of prenatal care, particularly for low-income families that primarily rely on Medicaid for childbirth. Cuts to funding for the Affordable Care Act and Medicaid outlined in the 2025 Budget Reconciliation Act make it likely that more Americans will lose access to care or see their health care costs balloon. But state-level action may help reduce access barriers. In Texas, for example, a set of laws passed in 2025 may help improve access to care before, during and after pregnancy. Texas legislators funded initiatives targeted at workforce development in rural areas – particularly for obstetrician-gynecologists, emergency physicians and nurses, women’s preventive safety net programs, and maternal safety and quality improvement initiatives. Rising rates of chronic diseases, such as hypertension, obesity and diabetes, also contribute to women giving birth prematurely. While working with the state maternal mortality and morbidity review committee, my team and I found that cardiovascular conditions contributed to the 85 pregnancy-related deaths that occurred in 2020. An upward trend in obesity, diabetes and hypertension before pregnancy are pressing issues in the state, posing a serious threat to fetal and maternal health.

Learning from other countries

These statistics are grim. But proven strategies to reduce these and other causes of maternal mortality and morbidity are available. In Australia, for instance, maternal deaths have significantly declined from 12.7 per 100,000 live births in the early 1970s to 5.3 per 100,000 between 2021 and 2022. The reduction can be linked to several medical interventions that are based on equitable, safe, woman-centered and evidence-based maternal health services. In Texas, some of my colleagues at Texas A&M University use an equitable, woman-centered approach to develop culturally competent care centered on educational health promotion, preventive health care and community services. Utilizing nurses and nonmedical support roles such as community health workers and doulas, my colleagues’ initiatives complement existing state efforts and close critical gaps in health care access for rural and low-income Texas families. Across the country, researchers are using similar models, including the use of doulas, to address the Black maternal health crisis. Research shows the use of doulas can improve access to care during pregnancy and childbirth, particularly for women of color.

It’s all hands on deck

There isn’t one, single risk factor that leads to a preterm birth, nor is there a universal approach to its prevention. Results from my work with Black mothers who had a preterm birth aligns with what other experts are saying: Addressing the maternal health crisis in the U.S. requires more than policy interventions. It involves the dismantling of system-level and policy-driven inequities that lead to high rates of preterm births and negative pregnancy and childbirth outcomes, particularly for women of color, through funding, research, policy changes and community voices. Although I had my preterm birth in Nigeria, my story and those shared by the Black mothers I have worked with in the U.S. show eerily similar underlying challenges across different settings. Kobi V. Ajayi, Research Assistant Professor of Maternal and Child Health, Texas A&M University This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.